Dear Prudence,
My mom died when I was 12. My parents had already been divorced but in no way was I close to my stepmother. Looking back she threaded her role rather well because she never tried to step in the role of my mother but did demand respect as my father’s partner. My maternal aunt on the other hand was abrasive and nearly abusive trying to act like my mother. She constantly brought up how she “promised” my mother she’d look after me and she would treat me as her own. I’m not sure how much was fact over fiction because they weren’t close and my mother died suddenly. She has butted into my life decisions from what to wear to prom to what degree to pursue and gets huffy if I don’t stick to her program. And then she pulls up the memory of my mother to try and guilt me. She is estranged from both her sons over their drug use so I feel guilty about going low contact with her. The problem is my boyfriend and I are talking about marriage but I am dreading every aspect of planning it. I am very no frills and the thought about all the potential pitfalls with my family pushing me to do it the traditional way makes me want to throw up. With all the high emotion and knowing my mom isn’t going to be there, I am dreading it. My boyfriend doesn’t want to elope because he has a big family and wants them there. So what now?
—Wedding Worst