Take the trip and if it's meant to be, it will be.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

The last few years were really difficult. I got COVID early on and suffered from long-COVID for almost a year. During that time, I reassessed my priorities and decided I wanted to take 12-18 months to travel the world. I started saving up and finally hit my minimum goal a couple weeks ago. I had always planned to start traveling no more than a couple of months after I reached my money goals. I had always wanted to travel around New England during autumn, so now’s the time.

The only problem is that during the spring I met a guy. We definitely hit it off, but I was busy working and not very social, so nothing really came of it until about three months ago. I expected it would be a fling. It’s gotten more serious. I’ve never really wanted to get married, but I see a future with him. I love him in a way that I didn’t realize was possible. He, however, cannot travel with me. He has not been saving like I have and even if he did have the funds, he’s a teacher and can’t travel for most of the year. Neither of us want to have a long-distance relationship at this stage.

I’m feeling very torn. I’m worried that the best possible future I could have is with him. A part of me is also worried that denying myself my travel dream will cause me to have some kind of a mid-life crisis. I don’t want to wait until retirement to do my dream trips and most of the trips I want to take wouldn’t be possible with time off I would get at a regular job. I know this guy could still be there when I get back, but he also could not be, and I’m worried he might even resent me for leaving him, not for anything he’s done, but just because that’s how people are sometimes. How do I go about making this decision?

—Travel Decision

banana468

I'd go to New England but how long do you want to linger to see fall?  Would you want to spend a week in New England and then maybe see it in the summer with the dude??

short+sassy

Only the LW can make this choice.  But they seem so rigid in how they want to do things.

If it were me, there is no question that I'd see what happens with this relationship.  If it fizzles out a year from now, oh well.  Go on their world tour then.

But if they've met the love of their life and they happily grow old together for the next 50+ years, would they really have preferred not taking this 18-month trip now?  Instead of just waiting until they are retired?

Edited to add:  Oh yeah!  And ffs just take a shorter 1-2 week vacation to New England this Fall, while they are thinking about what they want to do.

banana468

The other thing that sticks out to me is that while I GET the desire to tour the world by leaving the workforce for so long you are then starting off at zero.  So what's the LW's plan for the restart?   I'm now in a phase where I need employment to know that there's consistent income, health insurance and I'm also current in the industry rather than looking at gaps in the resume.   

short+sassy

banana468 said:

The other thing that sticks out to me is that while I GET the desire to tour the world by leaving the workforce for so long you are then starting off at zero.  So what's the LW's plan for the restart?   I'm now in a phase where I need employment to know that there's consistent income, health insurance and I'm also current in the industry rather than looking at gaps in the resume.   

True!  You hear this lament a lot when people, usually women, take a few years off until their baby is older.

They might have to go back to entry level positions.  But even if they can pick up where they left off, they're similar aged colleagues have had more years of raises and promotions.  It's one of the reasons there is a such a wage gap between men and women in similar occupations.  Possibly not the biggest reason(s), but certainly a factor.

kerbohl

I did this, lol.  But my plans were already made, and I was doing it for school as well and still working remotely at the same time.  So many people though, make a significant other hold them back.  There are times I'm sure when that is the better decision, but LW has already made the decision and put the plan in motion.  You can be less rigid and adjust the plan (I came back for a semester so the time apart wasn't as long) but still do it!