Wedding Etiquette Forum

Stepmom Involvement

I read more post here than I care to admit for insight and none really address this.  
I had the privilege helping raise my SD after her mother passed away.  I love my stepdaughter as my own, but she did have a mom who loved her very much.  Weddings drag up memories and regardless of my position (SM), I want to share in her excitement and festivities without overstepping etiquette, tradition or adding stress and pressure to her.  In the end, I asked my SD if I could give her a party, not a shower just a party to celebrate her.  Mind you this would be a party that would include many that were a big part of her life (step-aunties, family friends and step grandma) but most wouldn't be considered for the engagement party, showers or wedding. We all still want to celebrate her and shower her with love. I felt this party was a good compromised and certainly a honor. I picked a date 6 months from the festivities and after the engagement party, so the news was already out, and it was far enough away as to not be confused with a shower.  When considering stepparents, step aunties and family friends, this is just an idea to be involve them. In my day churches would give such a shower for the bride.  The hard part is to figure out whom you'd ask to attend.  While our story is a little different it just a thought....

Re: Stepmom Involvement

  • I read more post here than I care to admit for insight and none really address this.  
    I had the privilege helping raise my SD after her mother passed away.  I love my stepdaughter as my own, but she did have a mom who loved her very much.  Weddings drag up memories and regardless of my position (SM), I want to share in her excitement and festivities without overstepping etiquette, tradition or adding stress and pressure to her.  In the end, I asked my SD if I could give her a party, not a shower just a party to celebrate her.  Mind you this would be a party that would include many that were a big part of her life (step-aunties, family friends and step grandma) but most wouldn't be considered for the engagement party, showers or wedding. We all still want to celebrate her and shower her with love. I felt this party was a good compromised and certainly a honor. I picked a date 6 months from the festivities and after the engagement party, so the news was already out, and it was far enough away as to not be confused with a shower.  When considering stepparents, step aunties and family friends, this is just an idea to be involve them. In my day churches would give such a shower for the bride.  The hard part is to figure out whom you'd ask to attend.  While our story is a little different it just a thought....
    I’m confused as to what this party is. It’s not a shower and more like an engagement party? Is it just for your family? 
    Anyone that’s invited to a wedding related party needs to be invited to the wedding. And anyone that isn’t invited to the wedding should not be invited to any wedding related parties. That includes a shower, engagement party, bach party, etc. 
    If your goal is for your family to see your step daughter, you can plan a lunch, but don’t have it at all related to the wedding. Have you talked about this with your step-daughter to see what her thoughts are? 
  • I commend you for being sensitive to your SD during her engagement and wedding planning. Since you didn't indicate for how long you helped raise her, my answer would vary based on that information. If you you raised her for the better part of her growing up, I would assume she knows your family and friends pretty well. I don't understand why such people wouldn't be invited to the wedding and other festivities. I think you should talk to your SD about what she wants you to do and follow her lead.

    I do agree with @climbingsingle though about who can be invited to wedding festivities. You can have a lunch or party anytime that isn't connected to the wedding. 
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