Wedding Woes

Just put the movie on, and settle in with him and a bowl of popcorn.

Dear Prudence,

Before my current boyfriend, I had very strong internal rules about how I would spend my time and what I’d do with someone I was dating. But, my current boyfriend (going on five months) is completely different from anyone I’ve ever dated before. He’s considerate, kind, gives me his time freely, gives me all the attention I want while absolutely respecting boundaries, and makes almost no demands for himself in return. He seems to genuinely enjoy spending time with me when I enjoy my hobbies, and he has made a series of positive impressions with all of my friends. It’s the first time I think I’ve ever felt truly loved by a partner, and it makes me love him even more than I otherwise thought I would.

Here’s the problem: A lot of his hobbies are things I don’t think I’d ever enjoy on their own, something he is aware of and that he keeps separated from me because I think the idea of boring me causes him physical pain. In the past, this would have suited me just fine, but now I want to give them a try, even if just to spend time with him and to see if maybe I’d enjoy it because of him. So how do I tell a very considerate boyfriend that, yes, I really do want to watch some pretentious Italian cinema with him and that maybe it’s okay if I don’t like it because the worst case is that I’ll like that I’ve tried it with him? And how can I convince him to get out of his head about caring about whether or not I’m enjoying it while it’s happening?

—Feeling Up for Some Fellini

Re: Just put the movie on, and settle in with him and a bowl of popcorn.

  • Schedule a movie night and sincerely tell him you’d like to try out one of his favorites. 

    But maybe he likes doing that a line. Maybe he doesn’t care if you enjoy his hobbies or not. He sounds like a secure, considerate, independent partner and part of that is knowing what you want to share and do together and what you just like to have for yourself. 
  • It seems like the LW is overthinking this.  The LW can be clear with the expectations that, they aren't sure they will like X, but would at least like to broaden their horizons and try it.

    Then they can discuss the experience afterwards.  It could be anything from "never doing it again", "okay, would do it sometimes", "love it, let's do this more often".

    I also think it's important that they don't display negativity during the experience.  If they don't look miserable, then the b/f won't be as inclined to be worrying about the LW.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Agree with overthinking. The way LW was talking about hobbies and boundaries, you would have thought the hobby was extreme BDSM or something. Are you really that terrified to watch a freaking movie? 
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