Wedding Woes

Tell B you want to know what J said.

Dear Prudence,

Is it better to know what your best friend said behind your back or is it best to leave it alone? I have two close friends, J and B. I’ve recently found out J has some negative opinions about me. This came to light when I was having lunch with B. She brought it up because she was very upset with what J said about me during a breakfast they had together. B stated that it was very mean spirited. B offered to tell me what J said but I declined because I knew the minute I found out, depending on the severity of the comments, I would no longer want to continue my friendship with J. But now I can’t stop thinking about what J said about me? What should I do? Do I find out the truth or do I move on and forget about it?

Sisterhood of the Traveling Gossip

Re: Tell B you want to know what J said.

  • I don't love every little faucet of my friends.  B needed to have this discussion with J, not you.  I'd do my best to move past it, unless J has some other negatives against her.
  • Yeah I think B was wrong to bring it up to LW- they should have addressed it directly with J. 

    However if you really want to know then ask. But know this is probably a Pandora’s box that will likely ruin your friendship with J if not both of them. 
  • These people have to be late teens-early 20's right? 

    I cannot imagine playing this dumb game with my friends now.  If someone talked shit to me about someone I liked, then I'd tell them, "I like them, so don't do that and you should talk to them instead of me." 

    And if I thought someone should know another person was talking shit about them, especially if they thought they were friends with that person, I'd tell them just what that person said to me.  I wouldn't speculate on anything else, but if you're telling me how much you like Cindy and she told me she thinks you suck, you should know. 

    But IDK...I haven't dealt with mean girl shit in a minute.   I nope out of that nowadays. 
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