Don't say anything unless they break up.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

My brother-in-law’s girlfriend is my close friend. She’s confided in me that he’s crossed the line into emotionally abusive territory, and they’re heading toward a breakup. I’m not sure how many details to tell my husband. I don’t want to ruin my husband’s relationship with his brother, but I don’t like keeping secrets from him either. Help!

—Wish He Was a Better Man

banana468

I'm on the fence when abuse is involved but I'd be more inclined to reach out to the close friend and see what you can do to be there for her.  

kerbohl

The brother is ruining his relationships by potentially being emotionally abusive.  The LW's husband might have also been a victim and didn't even realize.  I'd ask some pointed questions to make sure the husband is okay, see what is going on there.  

Edited because my "by"s come out as "but"s for some reason.

charlotte989875

Reach out to your friend. She confided in you and while she obviously knows the family dynamic this is her story to tell. Let her lead here. 

short+sassy

charlotte989875 said:

Reach out to your friend. She confided in you and while she obviously knows the family dynamic this is her story to tell. Let her lead here. 

This is the most important part to me.

This isn't "keeping a secret" from her H, ffs.  This is her friend confiding in her about the difficult relationship they are in.  The only part that has anything to do with the LW's H is that friend's b/f is the brother.  That doesn't come close to being a good reason to betray her friend's confidence, unless it is okay with the friend if the LW's H knows also.

Because you know if the H knows, then there's a good chance he will tell his brother.  This info should obviously come from the friend first.