Dear Prudence,
I am a queer, BIPOC man in my late 30s. Growing up I dealt with a lot of discrimination, abuse, controlling relationships, and unfulfilling jobs. I kept myself and my life small so I took on retail jobs that I hated and didn’t really explore what I like to do sexually. I hated life and myself, and would spend hours in my room looking at a wall asking myself, “Is this really what my life is supposed to be?” I spent the majority of my mid-20s going to therapy and 12-step programs to deal with the abuse I had been dealt with along with the shame and guilt. I finally got out of some very toxic relationships earlier this year thanks to the help of all the self-work I am doing, and my excitement for life has returned!
Where I felt like before it took a huge effort to even get out of bed, I now really look forward to my day and have been actually enjoying life for the first time ever. I really want to expand and open my life. I have taken on new hobbies that I truly love, and now have some of the most wonderful friends ever. Now I want to find a romantic relationship and a career that I will actually enjoy. The problem is how do I do this now? A lot of people in my life have said that people would not want to date someone that doesn’t have a lot of relationship experience and jobs usually require years of experience that I do not have. How do I not only begin my new life but also not feel shame for being so far behind others in my age group?
—Left Behind