You can say no, but you can't say 'yes' for someone else.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

Am I the asshole for not wanting to host holiday dinners? My husband and I, who are childless and have a small home, are typically expected to host, as we have for years and my husband cooks. His brother has done so for the past few years as they have the space, and three children. Mind you, these are the only guests who actually offer to help clean up as well. His sister has never, ever hosted (they have one child), which I now think has been normalized, as they never get asked. The common reason they don’t is because their house is too messy and “they can’t do it.” Is it reasonable to ask that they be added into the hosting mix so it’s not just between two households?

—Tired and Done

banana468

Can you talk among the group about what would make it helpful if you did host?  

short+sassy

It can certainly be a group discussion, but it should primarily be amongst the siblings, ie "blood talks to blood".

Hopefully it is something that has just become expected and, when the inequity is pointed out to the sister, she will take action.

However, those excuses are BS.  Even if they don't feel they can host people in their home, they can certainly bring a few dishes and help clean up.  That's just some rude entitlement right there.

Another option would be reservations at a restaurant, with each family paying their own way.  I think that's a great idea if the sister won't host and the other two families are sick of hosting.