Bridemaid drama

knottie007d1485412aeace

I need advice on how to handle drama with my sister who is also a bridesmaid. To start at my engagement party, she didn’t even want to be in the wedding. However, after some thought I really wanted her in the wedding. She’s my sister and I want her there on my big day. She and I aren’t not super close but she’s my sister. Well I have another sister that I’m close to and I planned on having her as the matron of honor. To keep from hurting my sisters feelings, I FaceTimed both and told them who I wanted as bridesmaid and matron of honor. I know I could have had both as matron of honor, but it’s my wedding and I only one. 

So fast forward and my sister who is the bridesmaid has been starting drama. Telling my parents I haven’t told her things about the wedding, and I have. Then started texting my fiancé talking about me. I had to confront her about this and she basically told me she’s upset that she wasn’t considered to be the matron of honor and wished I had talked to her about it. My thing is, I was considerate of her feelings and it’s my wedding. Then I had a bridesmaids brunch and she got my future sister in laws number from a bridesmaids group text. She started telling my future sister in law her thoughts about me. Keep in mind, my sister does not know her. That was her second time to meet her. This really hurt me and she’s my oldest sister. She even had something to say about the bridesmaid dresses l picked out. I talked to her about how I felt about texting my fiancés sister. I feel that her behavior is so toxic and I have to protect myself. So I removed her from my social media accounts. So now she has texted my fiancé telling him she’s taking herself out of the wedding. It honestly is like a breath of fresh air, but I still feel bad. Any advice on how to manage this? 

Jen4948

Consider yourself as ultimately having dodged a bullet.

Choosing a wedding party can be hard, and one problem that keeps recurring is that people ask siblings and other family members to whom they're not close to be in their wedding parties for the same reason you did - to "keep from hurting feelings." But as you discovered the hard way, it actually tends to result in more hurt feelings to ask such people to be in your wedding party - especially because you can't ask them to step down without hurting more feelings. All you can hope for is that they decide on their own to shape up or ship out.

Luckily, your sister decided on her own to step down. Rather than feeling bad, I would just sigh with relief and go back to enjoying the wedding planning process as much as possible. If she continues to run her mouth, I would say, "I accepted your resignation from my wedding party with good grace. I need you to do the same now and keep your negativity to yourself."

banana468

I think you dodged a bullet.

All I would do is stop talking about your wedding around her and also make sure that you have your parents' support in this.  This could be a situation that comes up again before the wedding and your family dynamic would give me the ultimate answer regarding how to handle it.     

climbingsingle

I will say that I think it was wrong to tell them both on FaceTime together that one was your MOH and the other was a BM. That should have been done separately. I can see how the other sister held her feelings hurt. 

banana468

climbingsingle said:

I will say that I think it was wrong to tell them both on FaceTime together that one was your MOH and the other was a BM. That should have been done separately. I can see how the other sister held her feelings hurt. 

Totally agree.  Even though they're sisters of yours it's never a great thing to tell one person in front of another that they are possibly getting or are awarded a different level.