You know what they say about houseguests and fish...

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

We are fortunate to have a great guest space in our home and love hosting! At the same time, some of our “regulars” can be challenging, and I’d love your thoughts on how I can be compassionate and accommodating while also preserving my own sanity. More specifically, these particular visitors engage in (what feels like) continuous stream of consciousness monologues. Topics range from what shoes they are planning to wear to what they are doing next (i.e. I think I’ll take a shower) to repeated questions about outings or events that have been planned and explained in great detail (in addition to printed itineraries being left on bedside tables) to anything else under the sun that catches their attention at any given moment (i.e. Did I tell you about (person who you’ve never met and their dog/kid/job/house/etc)?).

Not only is the incessant chatter incredibly overstimulating (we also have pets and children demanding our attention), but it also tends to be one-sided, rather than an actual conversation. I try to be understanding—they live alone, are retired, and are likely eager for company and connection with us—but I find that I dread their visits (that tend to be 5+ days) and am relieved when they leave. I can imagine you might suggest a direct conversation, which might be the right strategy, but it would be helpful to have some guidance around how to initiate and what to say. All parties are very sensitive and are likely to be hurt or offended, so I want to approach this as thoughtfully as possible.

—An Exhausted Holiday Hostess

mrsconn23

You print out a detailed itinerary every time someone stays with you, LW? 

The rest of what they're describing is normal old-person conversation.  It is exhausting.  Can the visits be shortened?  Do you have to be in their presence if they're awake/around?  Do they know how to find the basics they need (towels, coffee, food, extra TP, etc.) since they stay so often and for so long?  If so, you can retreat to another area (like your bedroom) to get a break.  If not, you can make a printout for it.  

I love my grandfather and we are happy we went to visit him a couple months ago, but there was a similar exhaustion with the one-sided conversation and just need to be engaging at all times.  I think it is a symptom of a lack of stimulation and it's gotten worse during the COVID years.  I think LW needs to find a little more grace for everyone, including themselves. 

banana468

Yeah - so much of this is honestly what I think is conversation with many seniors especially those living alone.  

MyNameIsNot

Stop inviting them, or start inviting them for shorter visits. Use the kids as an excuse if you don't want to tell them why. "We'd love to have you that weekend, but with all the kids' activities, it can only be Fri-Mon for the foreseeable future."

kerbohl

I can be noise sensitive, and if more than one people are talking at once I just announce "okay, too many people talking at once!" and focus on the more immediate need first (so if a child, help them with what they are looking for) and then go back to the non-stop talker and say "sorry about that - please continue!".  Do that enough times, and I feel like people get the picture.  But then again, I don't mind the non-stop chatter in the background as long as no one else is talking.  

mrsconn23

kerbohl said:

I can be noise sensitive, and if more than one people are talking at once I just announce "okay, too many people talking at once!" and focus on the more immediate need first (so if a child, help them with what they are looking for) and then go back to the non-stop talker and say "sorry about that - please continue!".  Do that enough times, and I feel like people get the picture.  But then again, I don't mind the non-stop chatter in the background as long as no one else is talking.  

Same.  My kid and my H both have a TERRIBLE habit of walking around with their phones playing podcasts or videos WITHOUT headphones on.  I either am all, "Turn it off or find headphones!" or I leave the room because it's too much for me. And they sometimes do this shit when the TV is on as well, and it's just so many things at once.  It literally short-circuits my brain.  

kerbohl

mrsconn23 said:

kerbohl said:

I can be noise sensitive, and if more than one people are talking at once I just announce "okay, too many people talking at once!" and focus on the more immediate need first (so if a child, help them with what they are looking for) and then go back to the non-stop talker and say "sorry about that - please continue!".  Do that enough times, and I feel like people get the picture.  But then again, I don't mind the non-stop chatter in the background as long as no one else is talking.  

Same.  My kid and my H both have a TERRIBLE habit of walking around with their phones playing podcasts or videos WITHOUT headphones on.  I either am all, "Turn it off or find headphones!" or I leave the room because it's too much for me. And they sometimes do this shit when the TV is on as well, and it's just so many things at once.  It literally short-circuits my brain.  

Hubby and I like to watch Real Time with Bill Maher because it always seems to spark interesting debates for us, but he'll start a discussion while the program is still going - I can't take it!  I have to pause or mute or it will drive me insane.