This is all fishy. I agree with your sister.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I’ve been going out with a great guy for a couple of years. Just over a month ago, he told me he was going away for a few days and would call me when he got home. He seemed a bit slippery on the details, but I filed it under “introverted goofball”. It turned out he was having surgery for a serious medical condition, spent five days in hospital and another week at home in complete radio silence, dragging himself around the place. I was furious he hadn’t told me, but he insists he just didn’t want me to worry or see him unable to take care of himself.

Am I wrong to be angry? On the one hand, I understand his reserve. On the other hand, I care for him and I would be devastated if something happened to him. I feel left out and hurt and I don’t know if that’s fair. Is it? What should I say to him? My sister said I should dump him because he can’t open up to me, but that doesn’t seem right. It seems like he has learned that imposing on other people or asking for help is the worst possible crime. Should I even try to explain why that’s wrong?

—Talk to Me

banana468

You need to talk to him about how this is serious and how you feel about what he did.  

My mom did that to me and I won't say that I haven't forgiven her but it absolutely hurt to know that her answer is to tell my brother and me after things happen like we're children when in fact we're in our 40s and fully capable grown adults. 

Figure out why he did it but I also think that I would not choose to be with someone who wasn't fully honest with me. 

charlotte989875

You absolutely need to explain what’s wrong, and ask him why didn’t tell you. And not just “I didn’t want to worry you”. What about that was intolerable to him? Why did he feel he couldn’t or wouldn’t share this with you? I’d be asking him and myself a lot of questions about the future of the relationship. 

downtondiva

This demonstrates a lack of trust and lack of respect. "I didn't want to worry you" is something people often say when they don't think somebody can handle difficult information or being there for them, or when they just can't be bothered to face telling them. 

Even if you hadn't been together very long, I'd think it was pretty bad that he didn't at least tell you about this surgery. But the fact that you've been together this long and he not only kept it from you but lied about where he was says everything you need to know about how he sees you. You really need to think about whether this is something you can get past and whether you want to continue this relationship.

VarunaTT

IDK if y'all remember my friend V that did something very similar to me and then had an unholy fit when I told him that if he still wanted me to help out at times wiht whatever it was that was going on (I still don't really know to this day), then the compromise was going to be that he had to at least give me a monthly "I'm not dying" or something similar update.

This isn't fair to you, LW.  What is the point of the relationship, if it's not to be there to support each other through the good and the bad?  Especially if you're looking at each other as partners.  I think you have a difference of goals here and it's pretty major.  If you want to stay, there needs to be a real discussion of expectations and boundaries that are agreed on.  If not, peace out.

MyNameIsNot

This definitely warrants a conversation, but I would be seriously questioning the relationship after this. The whole thing reminds me of one of my good friends that just ended a 10+ year relationship with her boyfriend. He would do a lot of stuff like this and was often emotionally distant with her. At the end, she finally figured out that he just didn't see her the same way she saw him. She was thinking life partner on our terms, he was thinking FWB, but more like BFFs w/benefits. 

I've got to wonder if this guy sees LW more as someone he's been casually dating for a while than a life partner.

short+sassy

I like that two Prudie titles had "fish" in them this week.

If it were me, I would talk to him and give him more chance to explain.  But barring some epiphany, I wouldn't stay in this relationship.  This is major news that a person has a right to know from their SO.

After two years, the LW shouldn't be relegated to "casual friend" because that is what this feels like.