Monday

ei34

It was a busy weekend and I'm feeling it today.  Wouldn't change anything but phew.  How's everyone else?

ei34

Got through grading and chores Friday evening, the kids' swim meet on Saturday was a success, my dad's bday party Saturday night was fun, and brunch yesterday was expensive but enjoyable. 

I know I sound so cheap, I know it's super common to just split the bill, but it always hurts a tad to get an $8 glass of wine and a $15 meal and fork over $65 bc many at the table had 5-6 Bellinis and apps plus entree. This is a super fun group of friends so I just deal with it, I simply limit the number of times I join them...they gather once a month or so, my last time out with them was August.  I'd brought it up once and they're firmly in camp split the bill regardless of who got what.  And again I'm really not cheap, it's more that my monthly eating out budget is pretty low.  If they were more into a happy hour where everyone just has their own tab I'd definitely join the monthly gathering, but they're big on sitting down.  Complaint over, it was definitely a lot of fun.

Casadena

@ei34 I hate the bill split so much. I'm in a book club with a bunch of mom's and teachers from my boys school and they always do this too. Regardless if i'm on the high or low side of the even bill it makes me mad. 

Casadena

Weekend was neutral. Saturday was one of the hardest parenting days we've ever had. Everyone was crabby, the boys were mean to each other, lots of meltdowns, we all yelled too much - it was miserable. Sunday was lovely. I took G to a birthday party at a gymnastics place and he LOVED it. It's also nice for me/H to get to know some other parents. Then we ran a couple errands after the had a nice afternoon at home. H took N sledding while we were at the birthday party and the pictures were adorable. Hes 2.5 so still looks like a tiny marshmallow in all his snow gear Neither of them napped yesterday so they were asleep early, thank goodness. 

G is dealing with a recurring rash on his face that we cannot figure out and I need to take him back to the Dr tomorrow. It's just not getting better and I'm worried it's fungal or viral or something. He says it doesn't bother him but it looks super itchy and painful. He starts another heavy chemo/steroid week on Thursday so good vibes are appreciated as we're likely in for a very roid ragey weekend. 

banana468

@ei34 I'm kind of with you.  I 'get' that splitting the bill is great but that's if everyone is doing variations of the same.  What you did is essentially say to the group which is unfortunate that they took, "Hey I'll play this game but it's out of my budget to do it often so consider to mean you'll see me less as I am spending more".

We're often split the bill people but it works when it's easy enough and it's two families of 4 who ate similarly.  

Weekend went well.  Saturday we went to a Girl Scout convention and Chiquita met a local beauty queen who talked about how she overcame anxiety.  It was HUGELY beneficial.

Saturday night we watched a local production of Matilda which was REALLY well done and drove home in the snow.  Sunday we had church and then took down the tree.  The house is slowly shifting from the Christmas decor and since it's a week that the trees will be picked up we wanted at least that one done.  We really load up our Christmas tree so packing up the ornaments takes hours.

This week is tech week for a show Chiquita is in.  I'm crossing fingers that we don't get sick!

VarunaTT

@ei34 I'd just tell the server right up front (if possible) that you're on your own check.  I'm usually the one with the larger bill and I just don't feel right asking someone else to pony up more money for the things I ate/drank.

Weekend was good, nothing too much happened.  Just messed around at home, did my chores, and relaxed.  

CharmedPam

Sounds like a good weekend. I’m on a Salem MA page, and they have a tree burning on the first weekend of January or something? Anyway, they mentioned that wasn’t happening because of the storm and alternatives for disposal.  Must have been some storm! Ours comes tonight. 

Meetup groups are really good at separate checks.  In fact we call ahead and make sure they can do them before going.  But I do have some friends who drink more than me, order more and expensive items than me (I’m really a cheap date) so I started bringing cash for my share.  I got called out for “getting off easy”.  But I had less alcohol and wasnt the one who ordered apps or even participated in them!
If you recall, 2 years ago I dated some dude for like 2 months.  I caught him in many lies and he was an alcoholic who lied about not being able to see me (probably because of his drinking).  My friends were like “he’s going to try to talk to you again. Stay strong”.  But he never tried.  We only hung out for 2 months and it wasn’t serious so I didn’t expect him to. This morning I got a FB friend request from him.  I got to go back to my friend and be like “you said he’d try to contact me… you didnt say it would take 2 years!” 

ei34

Lol @CharmedPam…sometimes friends really know best! 

Ugh sorry for  crummy day @casadena but glad Sunday was better! 

@banana468 oh I’m a fan of splitting the bill if what everyone orders is similar. 

@VarunaTT that’s an interesting idea. Aside from overpaying I do like this group and would join them more often if it was more in my budget 

Edit- posted while I was mid-sentence, had to finish my post 

kerbohl

I am pro separate bill myself.  Not that I'm cheap or anything, I just find it easier myself?  And if I know we are splitting or someone else is paying, than it affects what I want to order.  I get no drinks and no apps if someone else is paying or if we are splitting.  But when I know I'm buying for myself, then I feel more free to get whatever I want.  I like my independence, right down to the paying for myself and doing less math.  

levioosa

@ei34 I would totally ask for a separate bill and not feel guilty about it. Splitting the bill does not mean people should be paying double their portion because other people went all out. And the people who are happy they are splitting know exactly what they’re doing. They know four drinks, an app and an entree isn’t $65. 

@casadena *hugs*

@CharmedPam as my sister in law says “they always come back” lol

weekend was okay overall. H and I had a good hike and some really good conversations on Saturday about goals and the way we want our future to look. Unfortunately I think I killed H with our hike and he got sick the next day. So far Covid tests have been negative and it looks like more run of the mill cold. But we had to cancel hanging out with my mom for her birthday and I do feel a little bad about that. 

Errands, appointments, and gym today. My dad called me to complain about my mom and I gave him some cold hard truths with as much kindness as I could. I don’t think he’ll really listen but I said my peace. He wasn’t totally wrong in some of what he was saying and I acknowledged that but at the same time I’m tired of both of my parents always blaming each other for a terrible marriage and life. It’s frustrating that I’m always the adult and the real parent. And I am gearing up to have a serious talk with my mom about how she cannot commit medical suicide just because she hates her life. 

Otherwise im gearing up for a full work week and im bracing myself for what im sure will be an incredibly full schedule. 

short+sassy

@ei34, also NOT a fan of the split bill.  Because almost by definition, someone is going to pay more or less than they should.

I also had an awkward experience with it once.  I was new in town and had joined an alumni group for my sorority.  Most of these ladies were married and 20-40 years older than me and definitely had a lot more money than my "only a few years out of college" single, broke-ass self, lol.

We all went to a fancy dinner and also brought our SOs, ie I brought my boyfriend.  It was a little out of my budget, but I decided to splurge.  I assumed everyone would get their own check, so my b/f and I didn't order any appetizers.  But we probably had 1-2 more cocktails than half the other people.  I was a bit bummed when the check came and everyone said to split it, because everyone else had gotten appetizers.  But whatever.  I'll go with the flow.  And it was less than $10 over what my real amount would have been.

But then one of the other women at the table protested about splitting the bill and specifically pointed to me and my boyfriend as having had more drinks.  I was thinking to myself, "WTF? I have a lower bill than what I'll be paying."  But didn't actually say anything.  Other people came to my defense and pointed out we hadn't had appetizers and hadn't ordered more drinks than some others.

She reluctantly agreed and everyone split the bill.  But then she and her husband left early and people started shit talking her (eek!).  Saying how she's always so cheap and has to make things difficult.  I kind of felt bad.  She was a jerk for pointing me out specifically, but then I also agreed with her that separate checks are better and I felt like some of the other women were being unnecessarily mean.  It put a bad taste in my mouth.

short+sassy

@Charmed Pam, I had a guy I'd dated for a month randomly send me an e-mail about 4 years later!

I had been really hurt at the time our relationship ended, because he had been a giant ass about it.  We'd been seeing each other 3-4x/week for about a month and had recently started talking about becoming more serious...primarily him bringing it up.  Then he was a little weird and distant on what turned out to be our last date.

And then GHOSTED me!!!!  I couldn't believe it!  Who DOES that after a dozen dates?

At any rate, in the e-mail he said he had always felt bad about the way he ended things.  That it wasn't "me", it was "him".

But I started chatting to him again, as friends.  My boyfriend (now H) knew about it.  I did like him as a person but ngl, this next part was a little petty.  He'd never asked if I had b/f and I didn't make a point to mention it.  He asked me to lunch and I went.  I wore my most boob-a-licious dress.  Then acted surprised when he asked me out on a romantic date.  "Oh! Did I not mention I have a b/f?"

short+sassy

This is the second time over the last week that I've lucked out with my WFH days and the weather.  It's been gloomy and just pouring rain for most of the day.

I have a weekly, unnecessary meeting on Mondays.  It's always only me and the organizer.  It's a weekly "check-up" for a project that I hardly work on and doesn't have much going on.  

And for some reason last week, the organizer just went on a long chit-chat with racist overtones, so now I especially dread our meetings.  She works out of our Houston office, so I have never met her in person.  She just assumes I'm white.  True, I am.  But there is no way for her to know that.

ILoveBeachMusic

We got home from SC yesterday afternoon. We left Saturday after the service and drove to Knoxville driving the remainder yesterday. That was a smart move. The service was nice (albeit a bit long). I saw some cousins I haven't seen in a long time (second cousins really). I had a nice visit with cousins at one of their houses. It is always nice to see family but I really wish it wasn't for such a sad reason. 

Today I undecorated the tree. H has a phone call tonight so we can't get it down to the basement until tomorrow. I am so ready to have everything put away so I can have a clean and orderly house again. We leave Thursday to go to Chicago for the long weekend. I have theater tickets with my girls' group on Wednesday. I don't even know what show we are seeing. I forgot to put all this year's dates on my calendar.

CharmedPam