Boyfriend of Bridesmaid feeling bad

knottie617d37f77fb82ad0

just looking for a little advice and maybe a shoulder to cry on.  My GF and I have been exclusive for about 6 months and things have been going really well.  She was invited to be a BM for one of her friends.  I was invited to the rehearsal dinner and to the wedding.  I showed up at the church and watched her walk down the aisle by herself.  I should also add I think she is absolutely beautiful.  After the wedding she walked out of the church arm in arm with some other guy.  I was a bit  surprised at this because she had never done this with me and I think it is an intimate gesture.  There was a receiving line in the back of the church but she didn't say two words to me.  She got into a car and drove off with a GM leaving me in the parking lot.  I traveled to the wedding venue and joined the cocktail hour.  I then found out that my GF was in a room at the venue.  Feeling pretty unhappy at this point I went to find her only to be told I was not allowed in the room.  Just herself, the GM she was matched up with and the rest of the wedding party were allowed.  Well now I was really feeling bad as I thought my GF and I had gone to this wedding together.  It was beggining to seem not so.  Why could I not have driven her to wherever she went in the car?  What was going on in the room at the venue that I was forbidden to see?  Why the secrecy?  Well eventually I was sitting at a table with people I didn't know but I'm a big boy I can make conversation.  The next thing I know my GF appears arm in arm with her GM and the MC describes them as a couple.  I thought her and I were a couple.  They then proceeded to dance together, go to a different table from me and have dinner.  I wasn't even sitting where I could see her.  I could imagine him flirting with her and it made me sad and angry.After about two hours she came over to my table to which I said I had had enough and wanted to go home.  Was I treated correctly or was I somewhat abused?    

banana468

Have you not ever been to a wedding before?? 

Forgive me if this isn't fake but it reads like it's a made up story.  Have you been to wedding before and seen the bridal party take photos and have a big entrance? 

flantastic

knottie617d37f77fb82ad0 said:

just looking for a little advice and maybe a shoulder to cry on.  My GF and I have been exclusive for about 6 months and things have been going really well.  She was invited to be a BM for one of her friends.  I was invited to the rehearsal dinner and to the wedding.  I showed up at the church and watched her walk down the aisle by herself.  I should also add I think she is absolutely beautiful.  After the wedding she walked out of the church arm in arm with some other guy.  I was a bit  surprised at this because she had never done this with me and I think it is an intimate gesture.  There was a receiving line in the back of the church but she didn't say two words to me.  She got into a car and drove off with a GM leaving me in the parking lot.  I traveled to the wedding venue and joined the cocktail hour.  I then found out that my GF was in a room at the venue.  Feeling pretty unhappy at this point I went to find her only to be told I was not allowed in the room.  Just herself, the GM she was matched up with and the rest of the wedding party were allowed.  Well now I was really feeling bad as I thought my GF and I had gone to this wedding together.  It was beggining to seem not so.  Why could I not have driven her to wherever she went in the car?  What was going on in the room at the venue that I was forbidden to see?  Why the secrecy?  Well eventually I was sitting at a table with people I didn't know but I'm a big boy I can make conversation.  The next thing I know my GF appears arm in arm with her GM and the MC describes them as a couple.  I thought her and I were a couple.  They then proceeded to dance together, go to a different table from me and have dinner.  I wasn't even sitting where I could see her.  I could imagine him flirting with her and it made me sad and angry.After about two hours she came over to my table to which I said I had had enough and wanted to go home.  Was I treated correctly or was I somewhat abused?    

Okay, I think some of this is your GF could have made you more of a priority, and some of this is common wedding stuff (which doesn't necessarily make it right, just something that the bride and groom probably expected of your GF).

-Your GF didn't speak to you in the receiving line? Weird. No reason I can think of for that.

-The arm in arm thing? Pretty much standard behavior for a recessional at a wedding. If you'd rather she didn't take someone else's arm (generally just a courtesy gesture), you have to tell her in advance - it's not an obvious thing. If you'd like to take her arm sometime, do.

-She took wedding party-only transportation to the reception while you had to drive yourself.
If it was literally just her and the GM in the car, and not like a limo or party bus, weird-ish.
If it was more people than that, it's pretty common, although it's also becoming more common to include SOs who aren't in the wedding party, because as you noted, you'd like to actually spend time with your SOs at the wedding. So that could just be on the thoughtlessness of the bride and groom.

-There was a wedding-party only room at the venue? Pretty common for cocktail hour until the wedding party is "announced" by the DJ. It's not exactly polite, but fairly common. Fairly rude of them not to let you in, but again that may be on the bride and groom.

-Being announced as a "couple"? This is nothing. You let this go. It means they're paired up to walk together in the wedding party.

-Sitting away from you? Again, this is a call the bride and groom make.

Does it suck that it seems she made no effort to spend time with you, or that the demands made by the bride and groom seem to have kept the wedding party away from their SOs? Yes. You should talk to her about it. "Hey, I was pretty lonely during the wedding not knowing anyone. Did you know that we'd basically be apart the whole day? If I'd known I'd barely see you, I probably would have rethought coming." This is the sort of conversation you should be able to have with your GF.

I'm not surprised you had a bad time. I just don't think it was entirely your GF's fault, and I think you have a penchant for jealousy with this groomsman that isn't serving you well. Do you trust her, or not?

knottie617d37f77fb82ad0

Thank you for your response.  Do I trust her? Emphatically yes. Jealous yes, jealous of the fact that this stranger got to enjoy her company, got to look at her, joke with her, flirt with her and touch her and I could not because custom demands it.  I have been to a number of weddings where my GF was a BM and I sat at a table with strangers and watched her dance and dine with some other guy.  It didn't bother me as much as this one did.  This one hurt because I knew she was a "keeper" I had very strong feelings for her.  I wish you well.

climbingsingle

knottie617d37f77fb82ad0 said:

Thank you for your response.  Do I trust her? Emphatically yes. Jealous yes, jealous of the fact that this stranger got to enjoy her company, got to look at her, joke with her, flirt with her and touch her and I could not because custom demands it.  I have been to a number of weddings where my GF was a BM and I sat at a table with strangers and watched her dance and dine with some other guy.  It didn't bother me as much as this one did.  This one hurt because I knew she was a "keeper" I had very strong feelings for her.  I wish you well.

Please tell me this is a joke. 

banana468

knottie617d37f77fb82ad0 said:

Thank you for your response.  Do I trust her? Emphatically yes. Jealous yes, jealous of the fact that this stranger got to enjoy her company, got to look at her, joke with her, flirt with her and touch her and I could not because custom demands it.  I have been to a number of weddings where my GF was a BM and I sat at a table with strangers and watched her dance and dine with some other guy.  It didn't bother me as much as this one did.  This one hurt because I knew she was a "keeper" I had very strong feelings for her.  I wish you well.

The biggest issue IMO is for your GF because some of this appears to be a red flag.  

Do I wish that head tables were a thing of the past? You betcha.  I didn't have one at my wedding and my wedding party sat with their actual dates and not those they were paired with.  However they were paired together to exit the ceremony and enter the reception and we rode in one vehicle together to the reception and took photos together.  

What spikes my concern for your GF is that because she's a keeper you're more jealous.  That tells me that you've come to see this happen before but now that you're with someone who is a keeper you have a desire to keep her from others - and that's a bit controlling and possibly dangerous.  

MyNameIsNot

knottie617d37f77fb82ad0 said:

Thank you for your response.  Do I trust her? Emphatically yes. Jealous yes, jealous of the fact that this stranger got to enjoy her company, got to look at her, joke with her, flirt with her and touch her and I could not because custom demands it.  I have been to a number of weddings where my GF was a BM and I sat at a table with strangers and watched her dance and dine with some other guy.  It didn't bother me as much as this one did.  This one hurt because I knew she was a "keeper" I had very strong feelings for her.  I wish you well.

I really hope this is supposed to be a joke, because this sounds terrifying. 

flantastic

Okay then, the short answer is - no, you were not abused by being separate from your GF and her spending time with another man.

Is it annoying that so many of these traditions separate significant others for so much of the day? Yes. Do I think we should adjust or do away with some of these traditions so that SOs being left to their own devices for a whole day doesn't have to happen? Yes.

But your jealousy seems disproportionate to the event. You need to avoid being too possessive of this woman.

ei34

"Abuse" is a really strong word you're using.  If anyone is in danger of being abused it is your gf who you are so possessive of.  I do give a hard eye roll to the BP being seated together instead of with their SOs/friends/etc, I personally haven't seen a head table in years (or even at my own wedding 11 years ago)...but the rest of this is pretty standard.