Bridesmaid left, but now wants back in?

knottie76b87830baed4168

A bridesmaid was upset with me for something unrelated to the wedding. We were talking it out, and she told me she didn't want to be my bridesmaid anymore. I was hurt, but I didn't fight her on it. It was early on so it's not like we had made any real wedding party plans. We still haven't picked colors/dresses or any bachelorette party stuff.

A few days later, she said she didn't mean it and apologized. At this point, I had kind of mentally removed her, but I appreciated the apology. We didn't discuss if she was still in it.

I do still find that it was an unnecessary place to go, like she knew it would hurt me the most. I can forgive it, but I'm not sure if I can forget it. Is it OK to not invite her back in? I don't want to be worried about it happening again, when we are further down the line in planning. But, I also don't want to come off as a bridezilla. Not sure if I do? I just don't feel like that's something you can just un-say.

Most advice I'm getting from friends/family is to remove her to prevent future drama, but they all caution that it might ruin our friendship. Should it have ruined our friendship for her to go there in the first place? I would never have considered this if she hadn't brought it up. 

Not really sure what to do. I'd like to still be friends (maybe not as close), but I almost think her staying a bridesmaid could put unnecessary discomfort on our friendship with it hanging over us

charlotte989875

I guess it depends on where you see the friendship now and in the future. if you’ve forgiven her then you need to actually forgive her and move on. But it sounds like you’re still hurt and upset about whatever happened. If that’s the case then you need to decide if you can actually forgive her, move on, and actually be friends again. It’s okay if you can’t- friendship breakups happen and they’re sad and painful but they happen. 

Do you want to continue the friendship? If so I’d have her in your wedding party if she’s someone who you’re close enough to that you want(ed) her to stand with you. If you’re okay with letting the friendship go, if you no longer want her to stand beside you when you get married then say no. 

This isn’t (or shouldn’t be) about punishing her for what happened, or preventing her from doing something again (because really being in a wedding won’t change if she says something hurtful again or not). It should be about whether this is someone you want beside you on your wedding day. 

Jen4948

I agree with Charlotte. If you really want to continue the friendship, then you should forgive her and restore her to your wedding party as a bridesmaid in good standing, and truly let go of the conflict.

If you're not yet in a place where you can do that but might eventually be able to, then I would tell her, "Thanks for your apology. I'm still struggling with what happened between us and I need some more time to process it. I'm not yet ready to make a final decision." 

If you ultimately decide not to readmit her as a bridesmaid, you can say, "Thanks for your apology, but when you dropped out of the wedding party, it really jolted me and I'm not okay with going back to the way things were between us when that happened. I hope you can understand that."