Wedding Woes

You don't want to be her friend, you want to gloat.

Dear Prudence,

Two years ago, I (mid-30s female) was on the receiving end of an abrupt and bewildering friend breakup by “Melissa,” who had been my closest friend since middle school. You’ll have to take my word for it that I didn’t do anything egregious to deserve this; to keep this short, it was one of those therapy-speak “this relationship no longer meets my needs” things, after which she cut off contact and blocked my email address, phone number, and social media accounts.

Well, I just found out through the grapevine that Melissa is now going through a contentious divorce. I’m experiencing a tiny bit of schadenfreude, wondering if she pulled a similar therapy-speak ultimatum on her husband and it blew up in her face, but mostly I feel for her and hope she’s OK. I know where she works and could theoretically contact her via her work email, and I’m considering reaching out and offering to be there for her if she could use a friend at this time. Is this a good idea? Or would it seem stalker-ish and just add to the stress she must be experiencing?

—Ready to Reconcile

Re: You don't want to be her friend, you want to gloat.

  • You don’t want to see if she’s okay you want to see if you’re right. Even if Melissa sucks as a friend you’re not much better. You’re going to be giving yourself some bad karma if you do this. 
  • Gee, Prudie.  I can't text or e-mail my former friend my sympathies regarding her divorce, because she even blocked my e-mail.

    But I'm dying of curiosity if she threw away her husband the way she threw our friendship.

    So it's okay I bug her at work, right?
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Don't do this. Melissa, whether justified or not, has made it painfully clear that she doesn't want you in her life, and you shouldn't be wheedling your way back in just because you're curious and want to feel smug about her divorce. If you're meant to find out what happened, you'll hear it through the grapevine. Until then, just leave it alone.
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