Wedding Woes

Four beaches in the world.

Dear Prudence,

My husband Matt and I met and fell in love when he was still married to his ex-wife Marisa. Marisa was a coworker who became a friend, and before Matt and I fell in love, she’d invite me to spend weekends at her family’s beachside cabin. The cabin is part of an idyllic community of about 10 houses, and Matt and I loved spending time there. Obviously, after the divorce, we weren’t welcome there anymore.

It’s been almost eight years since the divorce. Matt and I are married, have two kids, and have been looking to buy a second home where we could spend weekends and to where we could maybe retire. Last week, a home in Marisa’s beachside community came on the market. It’s in our budget, and Matt and I are seriously considering making an offer.

Do we owe Marisa a head’s up that we might be buying a home in her community? If we’re able to buy the house, should we try making nice with her? My mom says we should find a different vacation home, but Matt and I have such amazing memories of this community, and it’d be the perfect place to take our kids. After eight years, does Marisa still have an exclusive claim to this community?

—Beach House Bump

Re: Four beaches in the world.

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    I cannot imagine wanting to own a home in the place where you became the sloppy seconds.  

    Exactly how well do you think this would go for you if you move into the area?  If this is the family cabin that's been there for years how do you think the locals will treat you?    
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    I can't even with this LW!

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    downtondivadowntondiva member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 15
    Given how small the community is, I think out of consideration for Marisa they should look for a vacation house elsewhere. It isn't about her having an "exclusive claim." It's about the fact that there are surely other nice beach towns where the couple can get a house, so it feels petty and small to insist on moving into the community where Marisa has a history and where she'll be forced to be reminded of how they treated her.
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    Good lord, find a different beach.
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    The LW and her H cannot be serious with this!  They're AHs for even considering it.

    It is bs that there is something just so ultra unique about these ten houses.  Come on with that.  I'm sure they can go 1-2 towns over in either direction and find a similar house, neighborhood, and price point.

    I'd think it's better anyway to form their own beach memories in a new location.  Instead of trying to glom onto where the ex and her family have vacationed for generations.

    For the sake of their future property, they should also remember that vacation homes are vacant most of the time.  It would sure be a shame if someone painted CHEATERS in bright red 6' high letters across the entire front of the house.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    Did Prudie read LW to filth? 

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    I just caught that the COMMUNITY is 10 houses. 

    The lack of awareness on the part of the LW is almost amusing if they weren't such aholes.   

    Is the LW wanting her kids to see how few redeeming qualities she and her H have?  Because this seems like a great recipe for it. 

    "Mom?!  Why did Macie say that I'm not allowed to go to their house to light off sparklers?  She said something about how you and Dad aren't nice people."

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    If they do this I can guarantee they won’t have nice memories of the place moving forward. You can’t possibly think you can move your new wife into a tiny community and not think everyone will side your former wife. 

    Find a different house. 
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