Plan your trip and leave the door open for him.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

My sister lives overseas so I regularly will fly out to see her and use her home as a base to explore the wonders over there at a fraction of the cost. My boyfriend has never left the state, let alone travel like I am used to. He has been on a plane. My sister invited us to come next winter. I was extremely excited—until my boyfriend started to drag his feet. He hasn’t started the process of getting a passport or selecting dates to travel. I can’t even get him to commit to whether we are going for a week or two because he “might” want to use his vacation time to see his family. We see them at least once a month and international airplane tickets are expensive! We fought because I said I was going to just book my ticket and he could come along or stay here. He accused me of trying to rush him. He has known about this invitation since the first of December. We have been together for a year and I love him. I don’t know why he is dragging his feet on this trip. Help!

—Travel Troubles

banana468

Plan the trip and tell him he can go.

But also look at this as a big picture.  Do you want to travel and do you see a future with him if he doesn't?  Some people just don't.

I've lived in CT my entire life.  Going to NYC especially once I was a teen was at least yearly if not every few months.    Last year my friend and I chuckled when she said her H who has lived in CT for his lifetime had NEVER once been.    It's not a dealbreaker for them and it's not his scene.  But if this is an issue for LW, it's time to figure out if the cold feet mean it's time for running shoes. 

Casadena

Yeah, you're not married, there's no shared finances. Tell him when you want to go, ask his opinion maybe, and then book your stuff. He can do it if/when he wants. Either way, this will fuel a bigger discussion about travel/planning/etc that will be important to do going forward anyway. 

short+sassy

The LW should have a frank discussion with him on if he wants to go at all.  Not everyone likes or wants to travel.

He also might be extra nervous.  That's a LOT for a person's first trip out of state to be to a foreign country.

Unfortunately, since the invitation is from Dec. 2023, "next" winter probably means 2024.  I've heard on travel sites that there are major delays for people getting new passports or renewals.  So at the very least, he needs to get his ass in gear and apply for one.

short+sassy

banana468 said:

Plan the trip and tell him he can go.

But also look at this as a big picture.  Do you want to travel and do you see a future with him if he doesn't?  Some people just don't.

I've lived in CT my entire life.  Going to NYC especially once I was a teen was at least yearly if not every few months.    Last year my friend and I chuckled when she said her H who has lived in CT for his lifetime had NEVER once been.    It's not a dealbreaker for them and it's not his scene.  But if this is an issue for LW, it's time to figure out if the cold feet mean it's time for running shoes. 

A former tenant of mine is from a country area about 90 minutes from NOLA.  He said there are people who have lived there their whole lives and have never gone to New Orleans. much less anywhere else.

They're happy in their town and aren't interested in other places.  He said some of it is fear also.  They think big cities are scary and crime ridden.  Which is both a major exaggeration but also fair, compared to where they live.

Overall, it's something I've noticed living here.  Lots of people never leave the state.  And if they have, it's only to nearby states like MS, TX, or FL.

banana468

short+sassy said:

banana468 said:

Plan the trip and tell him he can go.

But also look at this as a big picture.  Do you want to travel and do you see a future with him if he doesn't?  Some people just don't.

I've lived in CT my entire life.  Going to NYC especially once I was a teen was at least yearly if not every few months.    Last year my friend and I chuckled when she said her H who has lived in CT for his lifetime had NEVER once been.    It's not a dealbreaker for them and it's not his scene.  But if this is an issue for LW, it's time to figure out if the cold feet mean it's time for running shoes. 

A former tenant of mine is from a country area about 90 minutes from NOLA.  He said there are people who have lived there their whole lives and have never gone to New Orleans. much less anywhere else.

They're happy in their town and aren't interested in other places.  He said some of it is fear also.  They think big cities are scary and crime ridden.  Which is both a major exaggeration but also fair, compared to where they live.

Overall, it's something I've noticed living here.  Lots of people never leave the state.  And if they have, it's only to nearby states like MS, TX, or FL.

Yup.  They've traveled internationally and he's been to other places but grew up in an area of CT that has more ties to Boston than NYC so the idea of hopping on the train to go in was just downright scary.

That said, I'm also married to someone who really dislikes flying.  So while I will do it as needed for work, the last time he was on a flight was nearly 8 years ago when it was just over a year ago for me and it would likely be more often if we weren't exiting Covid restrictions.