Wedding Woes

Church is definitely not the answer.

Dear Prudence,

I have struggled to stay social since the pandemic. I have started a book club, board gaming group, and a hiking club. I am the one who coordinates and plans events, only for every single one to get transformed into a mommy group. It is very frustrating to go through all the hoops of hosting only to not even discuss the book because everyone is more fascinated with teething strategies or trying to stop someone’s unexpected toddler-guest from eating the board pieces. I like kids. I work with them daily—that is why I am so desperate for actual adult company. I have brought up the issue only for it to get dismissed or ignored. Eventually the group dies because no one wants to take over. It is a small city, and I am in an odd age where most of my peers had kids right out the gate or are very much into the bar scene. It is frustrating—I even went so far as to try to join a church though I am not religious at all. Is there any hope? What should I do?

—Trying in Texas

Re: Church is definitely not the answer.

  • Are the kids at the group?  Could you put it in the context of being an evening away from kids for people?  And then they might be more likely to avoid the subject.
    Also having a book club more structured might help people stay on task.  My cousin who organizes our book club is a task master, she comes with questions, we have homework, we have a quiz beforehand .... we always discuss the book, even if we didn't like it.  

  • We should set the LW up on a friend blind date with the LW in the compassion fatigue letter.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I'm gathering that LW is on the younger side and in that place where everyone is either partying hard or settling down fast, and is trying to find their place when neither of those are their scene. I would try to expand the memberships of these groups to include people with a wider age range. Sure, people with young children are overwhelmed and very focused on parenting, but I've found that as people's kids start to get a little older, they're either less overwhelmed by being new parents or they're just ready to talk about anything other than kids. Maybe adding some older members to a group would bring it back to a place where the book is the greatest commonality instead of toddlers.

    Anyway, I'm thinking this LW would be a good blind friend date for the one who doesn't want to club much anymore since dad passed. 
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