Wedding Woes

If they are your friends, they will understand. If not, find new ones when you're ready.

Dear Prudence,

I’ve recently had a couple of major life changes. I lost my grandmother and my father within the span of 10 months and my priorities and what I want out of life have changed. I’m no longer interested in going out to clubs and parties and getting really messed up. However, my friends still want to do that and keep inviting me to these kinds of events. They’re getting annoyed that I decline their invitations or leave nights early. How do I explain what’s up without sounding condescending?

—Change of Lifestyle

Re: If they are your friends, they will understand. If not, find new ones when you're ready.

  • Options
    How old are these people??   And what kind of parties are you talking about?  Talk to them about what's going on but consider reaching out to make new friends.
  • Options
    They should just explain they don't enjoy the partying and late nights as much as they used to.  That they appreciate the invitations and will come sometimes, but might leave early.  I don't think that sounds condescending.

    If they are feeling up for it, they should start inviting friends to non-party/club events.  Like out to lunch or for a walk/hike.

    But it is probably also time to look for other friends who are more on the same wavelength. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Options
    If you haven't told these people what's been going on in your life, then why do you consider them friends?  If they do know, then why can't you tell them that it's just heavy right now due to what has been going on and you don't want to be a damper and/or just don't feel like it because you're going through a lot.  If they don't have any empathy for that, then why are you friends? 
  • Options
    Sounds like friends are in their early 20s and LW is learning some hard lessons fast about true friends vs party friends.

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