Wedding Woes

To do a 90 day FI or not?

Dear Prudence,

I started seeing someone about three months ago. It has been five years since I have been this emotionally intimate with someone, and I have fallen head over heels. They were born in another country and came here as a kid. I figured there was no problem with their status because they had said the words “before I got my papers” a few times. They just disclosed to me that the type of visa they have is about to expire, as they turned 25. They applied for a new visa but if they don’t get it, they could be asked to leave the country. They said they don’t want to put any kind of pressure on me. I really want to see where this relationship goes, and I am not opposed to marriage even if it doesn’t work out between us. Am I being rational?

—90 Day Fiancé

Re: To do a 90 day FI or not?

  • No, you are not being rational.  Don't do this.
  • The LW is giving themselves a lot of credit to sign this 90-Day Fiance.  I'm not seeing very many "requirements" for the show in this letter.  I'd need these questions answered first:
    • Is the LW questionably employed? With no discernible way to pay for themselves much less somebody else?
    • Do their family/friends think this person is a uuussseerrr, who is just marrying them for a green card?  There needs to be lots of family tension.
    • Are one or both of them a wannabe model/actor/Tik Tok influencer?
    • Is the LW completely clueless about their SO's country and culture?
    Seriously though, 3 months is way too soon know someone well enough to be in love and ready to marry them.  Marrying them just to see if the relationship works out is a terrible idea.  As a sponsor, they could potentially be financially on the hook for years if they get divorced and their SO gets any kind of public assistance.  Including medical care.

    Technically, I think the process they would go down is getting married and then applying for a spousal visa.  Those cost thousands of dollars in fees and most people need to hire an immigration attorney to help them through the complex process.

    None of this is for the faint of heart!  Worth it for someone you love and definitely know you want to marry.  Complete folly, otherwise.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Uhhhhh. Get it together LW. 

  • I would not could not. 

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