Wedding Woes

Rudeness is not a new phenomenon.

Dear Prudence,

I’m in my early 30s with no kids and so is most of my social circle. I’ve noticed a new phenomenon post-COVID when it comes to getting together with friends. I’ll invite someone over for dinner then it’s radio silence. In this age of ghosting, I assume no answer means no and I’ll make other plans only to have that friend reply hours before the dinner is supposed to happen saying they’ll be there! Then I feel resentful when I host them because I had mentally anticipated meal prepping, catching up on a show, etc. instead of hosting. How can I phrase invites or a follow-up that isn’t pushy but can also respect my time and boundaries?

—Hostess With the Mostess

Re: Rudeness is not a new phenomenon.

  • I would find that super annoying also because even for my free time, I sort of "mentally" schedule it.    Like if I know I'm just going to be hanging out at my house with no outside company, that's one mindset.  But if I'm socializing with someone, that's a different mindset.  I want to know what to expect for the day.

    The LW should put a friendly deadline in the text that makes sense for the occasion.  Like, "I've been wanting to try out a new lasagna recipe.  Do you want to join me for dinner on Friday?  If so, just let me know before Thursday so I can get all the ingredients."

    Or, make it more open ended so the friend has to make a choice on the day/time.  Like, "Hey Friend, I'd love to get together this week.  Let me know if you are available.  I have Thurs. night or Sat. free."
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • @short+sassy, that was basically what Prudie said.  Just put a 'deadline' on a response and if you don't hear back, then you know the answer. 

    Also, stop asking people who don't respond to you when you reach out. At a certain point, you're punching yourself in the face. 
  • WTF?  Get better friends.  That's hella rude.  I've never had that happen.  If it did happen, I'd say, "Oh, you didn't respond to me, ever, so I've moved on.  Better luck next time!"
  • I agree that setting a deadline for a response is a good idea and then moving on if you don't hear back. And if they respond past that deadline, tell them that you've made other plans and are no longer available, which is what you should have been doing in the first place. They were rude and you were not obligated to still host them at a moment's notice. 

    All this being said, I also think you should stop inviting people over to dinner who can't even be bothered to respond to the invite. If you still want to see them, suggest something that requires less effort and preparation on your part. 
  • “Let me know by Wednesday if you can make it. If I don’t hear from you I’ll assume the answer is no and won’t make food for you.”

    Like- it’s not that hard. Your friends suck but also putting a deadline on an invitation isn’t rocket science. 
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