Dear Prudence,
My older sister got pregnant (twice) and dropped out of school. She lives with our parents and works part-time at a fast food joint. I go to college about two hours away. I love my family but I hate visiting. The house is always a mess and I am stuck on the sofa because the kids have my room. Either the kids are screaming their heads off, my parents are fighting about bills, or my sister is complaining about how hard her life is. I juggle school, a full-time job, and my scholarship. I don’t even have time to socialize when I am there, which makes my weekends so precious.
I still have a lot of friends in town and prefer to stay and see them rather than deal with the chaos at home. My family finds this offensive. My mother claims it hurts her heart that I don’t want to “spend time” with them. And my sister makes snide remarks about me being a shitty aunt and not loving her kids. The minute I enter the door, my mother is banging at me to help clean up, my sister is shoving her kids at me so she can go out, and my dad locks himself in the garage to tinker. They don’t even ask me how school is going. I would just not tell them when I am visiting, but most of my friends either live at home or are family friends. The last time that my family found out I visited without telling them, I got the mother of all guilt trips. I love my family, but visiting them isn’t worth the gas every weekend. Help!
—Visiting Woes