Dear Prudence,
My boyfriend is a regular weed smoker. Before we got in a relationship I told him that he smoked too much weed and that I didn’t like that. He was smoking every single day before we were together because he was in an abusive relationship and that was his way of coping and escaping. For a few weeks, he abstained from it, until we went on a trip and he wanted to enjoy us being out and in nature. I said yes and I even smoked with him as a way of bonding. From there, he slowly started to use it again, not daily but still frequently. I’m a man who grew up with bad behaviors regarding substances and abuse. His smoking habit really triggers me. I feel like I can’t be as intimate with him now as before because of it—although he’s more affectionate and loving when he smokes since he’s not anxious anymore and he’s not thinking about his past relationships.
I try my best to not smoke weed because I’m a doctor and I need to keep my mind sharp and always ready. I feel really scared that this is going to be our downfall. He’s the sweetest man I’ve been with. I don’t want him to get numb and slowly just start to smoke every day again. I even came up with the idea that maybe every weekend we could do something like he can smoke and I can use CBD but he took it as an excuse to smoke every day of the weekend. One day, he even smoked three joints with his ex-roomie. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose him. I’m scared that if I ask him to try and quit, he will react badly and decide to end the relationship. Please help!
—Too Triggered