Dear Prudence,
My mother-in-law is a truly amazing person. After retiring at the top of their fields, she and my father-in-law spend their time volunteering for various causes, from running toy drives for hospitalized children to single-handedly preparing sandwiches for hundreds of homeless people in our community. They still manage to be fantastic grandparents and parents. They’ve always been helpful and respectful, our son adores them, and my husband has the kind of healthy relationship with them I could only dream of having with my (estranged) parents.
However, while my MIL has never been anything but polite and kind to me, she has always kept me at arm’s length. Multiple attempts on my end to reach out—suggesting a spa day or a movie, inviting her to brunch, etc.—are declined in a very gracious manner. She is friendly with me over text and in person, but she is super close with my sister-in-law, who was childhood friends with my husband’s brother and whom she has known for decades. It seems like I will always be an “outsider” compared to her, even though I have been with my husband for seven years (and married for five). Whenever I bring up my feelings with my husband, he says that his mom loves having me in the family and has never once spoken badly about me. But while that may be true, it feels lonely to have the sweetest woman ever just be cordial to me. How can I handle my feelings and/or fix my relationship with my MIL?
—The Invisible DIL