Am I Being Unreasonable?

knottie663ed320322531fa

Long story short, my dad is paying for almost the entire wedding and told me and my fiancée from the beginning that he wanted us to have the final say in ALL the decisions in the wedding including the guest list. If we don't feel close to them, then they don't have to come. Before we even got a chance to give FMIL a # she could invite, she said she is going to invite 10 friends in addition to many other people she's close to that we were including already (like neighbors, etc.) A few out of the 10, we don't feel close enough to have there and told her 'no' to those few people. She is paying for 8% of wedding, so her inviting a few guests is definitely reasonable. 10 seems like a lot to allow especially when if we were to keep it fair, we'd have to allow all parents to invite 10 people each. In addition, there have been instances where she is trying to dictate a few other things, and we stood our ground with that too. We already sent save the dates and trying to move past this tension. I guess I just need some peace of mind that our wedding should be what we want at the end of the day and with people who we want to be there. 

banana468

knottie663ed320322531fa said:

Long story short, my dad is paying for almost the entire wedding and told me and my fiancée from the beginning that he wanted us to have the final say in ALL the decisions in the wedding including the guest list. If we don't feel close to them, then they don't have to come. Before we even got a chance to give FMIL a # she could invite, she said she is going to invite 10 friends in addition to many other people she's close to that we were including already (like neighbors, etc.) A few out of the 10, we don't feel close enough to have there and told her 'no' to those few people. She is paying for 8% of wedding, so her inviting a few guests is definitely reasonable. 10 seems like a lot to allow especially when if we were to keep it fair, we'd have to allow all parents to invite 10 people each. In addition, there have been instances where she is trying to dictate a few other things, and we stood our ground with that too. We already sent save the dates and trying to move past this tension. I guess I just need some peace of mind that our wedding should be what we want at the end of the day and with people who we want to be there. 

I'd leave your dad out of the communication to your FMIL.  Instead what I think is better is for you and your FI to create a list and back into what the budget gets you.  When looking at FMIL's list, your FI should be the person who makes that decision or at least communicates the joint decision you two make together.  It wouldn't be fair to say that she's only paying 8% so she has fewer guests but the overall intent can be for your FI to say, "With the budget, it's this # of guests that are possible." 

Then if there is an opportunity to add more, talk with your FI and see if that's an option and if your FMIL would pay for them.  Sometimes the extra guests aren't about who is important to you but they are legitimately important to your ILs.  We invited several friends of parents who we hardly ever see at all.  They were put on the list because those friends are important to the parents so they were invited.

mrsconn23

All of what @banana468 said, especially about your FI being the one to have these conversations with his mom.  Also, I'm sure your venue has space constraints, so headcount is important in that aspect as well. 

If you're having more than 50ish people at your wedding, I promise you won't even notice the friends of your IL's or parents you don't know 'that well' being there.  I remember talking to people outside my parents and WP at my wedding when we greeted people after the ceremony and then went by all the tables to say 'hi' after dinner.  After that, we hit the dance floor and vibed with whomever joined us.  You'll be having a good time with your WP and friends, so let your FMIL have her 'people' to shoot the shit with, if budget and space allows for it.