Ask friends to set you up? Look into matchmakers?

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I feel like I have the most basic situation. I am a 30-year-old cis het woman in a major city, I want kids—at least 2. I want a partner in raising those kids, who wants to raise kids. The issue is, I hate dating. Like, REALLY hate it. The apps are terrible. I can’t make myself open them often enough to keep my phone from un-downloading them for storage space. I know I have a lot of insecurity around being a fat woman, I’m in therapy, and my therapist is always encouraging me to try dating. But I simply do not want to!!! I also can’t handle the idea of speed dating or other ways of meeting people—I can’t stand the idea of showing up somewhere like that and having no one be interested. I have hobbies and great friends but am always in spaces that are female-dominated, so no luck there either. I have excellent executive functioning skills in every other area of life. But I have no idea how to make myself find a partner. It feels like my most straightforward path towards kids and my own, much-wanted nuclear family is slowly ticking away with time. Please help!

—Just Do It (How???)

short+sassy

I'm not sure why they hate dating.  It would help to know why, in order to give advice.  They mentioned rejection for speed dating.  Is it the same thing for other types of meeting people/dating.

If so, it seems like that's why a dating app would be great.  Because only people interested will respond.  But she's already said she doesn't like those.

Her spaces might be female oriented.  But women have guy friends.  She should put out the alert she is looking.  Or do hobbies/go to events that men will be at also.  Making some male friends might turn into something romantic or they might have a friend.

VarunaTT

mrsconn23 said:

Dear Prudence,

I feel like I have the most basic situation. I am a 30-year-old cis het woman in a major city, I want kids—at least 2. I want a partner in raising those kids, who wants to raise kids. The issue is, I hate dating. Like, REALLY hate it. The apps are terrible. I can’t make myself open them often enough to keep my phone from un-downloading them for storage space. I know I have a lot of insecurity around being a fat woman, I’m in therapy, and my therapist is always encouraging me to try dating. But I simply do not want to!!! I also can’t handle the idea of speed dating or other ways of meeting people—I can’t stand the idea of showing up somewhere like that and having no one be interested. I have hobbies and great friends but am always in spaces that are female-dominated, so no luck there either. I have excellent executive functioning skills in every other area of life. But I have no idea how to make myself find a partner. It feels like my most straightforward path towards kids and my own, much-wanted nuclear family is slowly ticking away with time. Please help!

—Just Do It (How???)

You need to talk to your therapist about how to handle rejection, LW, b/c this is gonna happen, even if you were the most perfect version of a Western woman ever.  You aren't hiding from apps, dating scene, or anything else, you're afraid of rejection so much so that you're getting in the way of your stated dream.  So that's the issue.

levioosa

short+sassy said:

I'm not sure why they hate dating.  It would help to know why, in order to give advice.  They mentioned rejection for speed dating.  Is it the same thing for other types of meeting people/dating.

If so, it seems like that's why a dating app would be great.  Because only people interested will respond.  But she's already said she doesn't like those.

Her spaces might be female oriented.  But women have guy friends.  She should put out the alert she is looking.  Or do hobbies/go to events that men will be at also.  Making some male friends might turn into something romantic or they might have a friend.

SITB: 

Dating has always been the worst (to me, an introvert), however now? Omg the dating apps are a nightmare. I'm pretty sure I would just be single forever if anything happened to H. It is chaos out there. Situationships, ghosting, catfishing, politics, it's a mess.