You have three little excuses. Use them.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I’m married with three kids, and for over 10 years, I’ve been trying to pare down the number of parties with our extended families that surround each of our birthdays and major holidays. One Christmas, we got up to seven gatherings in less than a week and I decided it was time to start saying no. I’ve been fairly successful overall, but every holiday and birthday, we still wind up going to two to five parties thrown by our families. The reasons for this vary (my parents are divorced; my in-laws don’t like large gatherings), but the result is the same: I’m exhausted, overwhelmed, and resentful that what is supposed to be a fun time for everyone is just tiring for me. In my dream world, we would attend or throw one or maybe two parties for each holiday and birthday. This seems like it should be achievable, but to make it happen I have to basically explain to our families that we don’t want to see them as much as they want to see us. This feels churlish (especially when they’re offering to throw the party), and I do realize that having a lot of people who care about us is a happy problem. Should I just suck it up and accept the present situation? If I do want to start combining or refusing parties, how do I go about that kindly?

—Partied Out

VarunaTT

It's not that you don't want to see them, LW.  If we all had all the time in the world, 5 parties in a week sounds great.  But we don't have all the time, unlimited energy, etc.  

Figure a way to rotate through everyone that your family is comfortable with and can do.  "We need to manage our time better as a family, so we'll be unable to attend, but we'll see you at Aunt Martha's next week".

banana468

"We'll see you guys next Easter and Thanksgiving is at Joan's mom's house.  Christmas Eve we're hosting but if you want to do Christmas Day we can." 

Stop feeling like you have to see all the people for a holiday or a birthday..

short+sassy

I know it is easier said than done, but they need to start saying "no".  Talk about the holidays have become too overwhelming. If people take it as "they don't want to see us as much", then oh well.  They can throw a "Christmas in July" party instead when things aren't as crazy for everyone.

One excuse I'd suggest is to start celebrating Christmas day at home.  Everyone gets told that.  It's their new tradition.  Just the LW, spouse, and kids.

It wasn't until I was a lot older when I realized how lucky I was as a kid when it came to holidays.  My grandparents lived in the same town as us.  That's it.  And they would come to our house for holidays.  I spent every Christmas and most Thanksgivings at my own house and we didn't drive anywhere.

I can understand there are probably a lot of people who would have preferred spending it with more people and relatives.  But that has never been my own preference.

mrsconn23

We typically get together for NYD at dad's house for tacos.  It's been a tradition since before mom passed away.  We had to bow out this year since we had a house full of people for 2+ weeks over the holidays and just couldn't do one.more.thing. 

It happens, LW.  Practice saying 'no'.  Start with Aunt Bernice's bday dinner or something. "Oh we'd love to come, but the youngest has been having fits at bedtime, so we're trying to have minimal disruptions to our nighttime routine. Sorry we'll have to miss it!" 

charlotte989875

You get to decide how you celebrate your family’s birthdays. Folks can offer to celebrate you or your kids but you don’t have to say yes. Start with birthdays. Host one family party where everyone is invited. It might not be your families’ ideal way to celebrate and they can choose something different for their own birthdays.