Wedding Woes

You are 20. There is time. You also can't rush anything with other people.

Dear Prudence,

I recently had two friendships of three years end, and I am hardcore grieving and have never felt so lonely. I admit, I have a significant portion of fault for leading it down that road; I broke their trust, and since then it had been tense and different, and the group of three had, in my eyes, become a group of two w/ me on the outside. I kept trying to fix things and talk to them, but I kept getting brushed off and assured that nothing was wrong. Eventually, I found that they were saying not nice things behind my back, and I freaked out and the friendship ended.

I feel now that I am stuck in a state of helplessness, with no close friends or support system at university. I keep trying to meet people, but I keep looking for the same qualities of the friends I lost and feel that I am expecting to make new best friends right away. Every time I meet someone I don’t click with, I lose more and more hope; I worry that I will never have that same connection that I had with those girls again, especially as a 20-year-old (is it too late for me?!?!). I don’t know what to do, and I can’t help but compare myself to other friend groups and ponder “what-ifs”.

—Friendless and Feeling It

Re: You are 20. There is time. You also can't rush anything with other people.

  • Options
    I think my response depends on more details. What exactly did you do? At 20 "breaking trust" can range from the incredibly mundane, to the terribly hurtful with nods to go to therapy. 

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    "Is it too late for me?"  Really?  Because at the grand old age of 20 they lost their two friends.  The world of changing and shifting friendships has just begun!

    Close friendships develop over time.  The LW needs to stop expecting it to happen instantly.  Join a club at school.  Start inviting people to hang out.  A person may not "click" on the first event, but maybe they do with more times meeting up.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    Try not going into clubs or events looking to meet a best friend but instead to try something new. Clubs are a great way to meet people with similar interests but friendship doesn’t happen overnight. You’re setting yourself up for failure if you think it will. 

    Sign up to have a random roommate/suit mates assigned next year but won’t guarantee they’ll be a best friend but at the very least you’ll meet someone new. 
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