OMG, do not look up his number.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

My question concerns asking someone out on a date. I (50s gay man) work at a food pantry that has regular clients who can come in once a month. Over the past couple of years, there is one client (40s gay man) who comes in and is very friendly and slightly flirty. We have client information, including phone numbers. Would it be completely inappropriate to send a casual text? “It was great to see you today at the pantry. I would like to get to know you better outside of work, would you want to grab a coffee/have lunch sometime?” I know that might seem innocuous, but he didn’t give me his phone number, so he would know that I looked it up. (Creepy, right?) And since he receives a service from me that he counts on, it could make it awkward for him to come back. (Really bad, yes?) He is really nice, and I think we would have a good time hanging out, but having been out of the dating scene for a while, I’m hesitant.

—Food Fling

VarunaTT

DON'T DO THIS.

mrsconn23

While you think this is some sort of meet-cute LW, this is so wrong in so many ways.  I don't think you should see the people you serve as any sort of viable dating candidate.  I also wonder if the food pantry has rules about this anyway.  I'm sure they at least have rules about taking people's data for personal use.  

short+sassy

Using the guy's phone number is way, way off limits!

I'm not usually that touchy about someone asking out someone they know from a professional sense.  But this whole thing doesn't sit right with me because the guy is there to obtain food, which is an essential need.  He doesn't want to potentially put this person in a situation where he is now uncomfortable to go and pick up food he needs.

mrsconn23

Exactly @short+sassy.   If it were another volunteer, I wouldn't be as bothered.   This is just all wrong in so many ways because of all the dynamics at play.  I don't even think it would be right for LW to reciprocate if this person hit on or otherwise approached them.  

CharmedPam

Would it be completely inappropriate to send a casual text? “It was great to see you today at the pantry. I would like to get to know you better outside of work, would you want to grab a coffee/have lunch sometime?”

Yes.

ei34

Absolutely do not do this! There are more than 4 men in the world.  You are potentially taking food out of someone’s mouth. 

charlotte989875

I’m with short+sassy- this has the potential to make him feel like he can’t come get food or feels like he has to say yes in order to keep coming back. 

downtondiva

No. No. No. This man is reliant on the services of the food pantry, and it's not fair to make him feel like he can't come back because he doesn't reciprocate your interest or because you hang out and it doesn't go well. 

You can continue chatting with him when he comes by, but don't let it go beyond that. There are other ways to get back into dating if that's what you want.

kerbohl

I deal a lot with misuse of PII, and this has bigger ramifications as well.  That phone number was collected for the sole purpose of using the services there.  It is NOT at the disposal of the LW for any other purpose.  The second you misuse it, technically there is the argument that the company is either not collecting PII for proper intent OR that they are not storing their PII in the proper systems.  It might not just tank the LW's chances or take food from this person, if it blows up it could destroy this charity.