Dear Prudence,
I was the invisible child growing up, between my sister the delinquent and my brother, who was severely brain-damaged at birth. The only one who gave me any real positive attention was my neighbor. She “hired” me to help her around the house, but in reality, she taught me music and gave me an avenue to accomplish my passions. I am not a professional musician by any means, but it is very much my joy.
“Annie” is my 12-year-old neighbor, and she reminds me so much of me as a child it hurts. She is the middle child of five, with two severely autistic older brothers and two very small younger sisters. Her parents are constantly overwhelmed, it seems, from the conversations I’ve had with them. Annie has expressed interest in taking music lessons, but they’re too expensive. I really want to offer her free lessons with me. I work early, so most of my afternoons are free.
The thing is, her parents will take a mile if you give them an inch. I offer to pick up some groceries for them, and the list is longer than my arm. I offer to take care of their dog when they go on vacation, and they assume I’m suddenly always available for babysitting. They’ve tried to borrow money from me on multiple occasions. I understand that times are tough, but I just want to help Annie like my neighbor helped me with music, not get sucked into re-creating my family dysfunction. How do I do this?
—Face the Music