Dear Prudence,
How do I stop complaining about my in-laws to my husband? Don’t get me wrong: They’re amazing people. On one hand, they’re generous, fun, loving, and adventurous. But they can also be demanding, infantilizing, and overly confident. They tend to make remarks about our decor, cooking, or habits, which are said in an all-knowing manner. I know they mean well, but the “We know best” attitude really grates on my nerves. I will usually brush off their comments in the moment, which backfires when, hours, days, or weeks later, I mention it to my husband.
I tend to harp on him about it, then he’s hurt that I am critical of their behavior. (He is sympathetic to me but usually brushes it off as them trying to be helpful.) Recently, he’s been upset when I bring up their behavior because it hurts him when I talk about them in a critical manner. I can’t seem to stop … I do love these people; they just annoy me! How do I spare my husband’s feelings without losing it? I also know it’s not a great idea to vent to friends because I feel as if I am sending the wrong impression about my in-laws. It’s almost like a disease that I can’t seem to shake. I feel terrible for casting judgment on them but also quite lonely in my frustration because I have to cope with it.
—Troubles in Paradise