Dear Prudence,
About six years ago, my best friend from childhood, “B,” got married. We were in our mid-twenties, and there was something that felt slightly off about the relationship. It wasn’t her husband, he seemed nice enough. It took me a while to realize that it just didn’t seem like a good fit. There were key relationship moments that B felt went poorly, but I thought she was happy overall, so I never expressed my feelings. After she got married, it was clear she had shifted most of her focus on her relationship with her husband and we drifted apart as friends.
Last year, we reconnected. Things seemed fine at first until she admitted that she was having trouble in her marriage. Not big, marriage-ending things but a bunch of little things. B feels like she’s failing as a wife. She says things like, “I wish I knew what I was doing,” and “Why can’t I get this right.” I mentioned couples therapy, but B’s husband won’t go. He apparently thinks that all the small issues they’re experiencing are normal for married life. That response in and of itself makes me wish I would have made sure she was happy with the relationship and not just willing to settle to get married. I think she may have settled for a guy that just isn’t the supportive partner B needs. I’m wondering if I should mention this, very tactfully, that they may not be a good match. I don’t want her to think that I’ve been judging her, but I also don’t want her to feel like she doesn’t have the support she needs. What do you think I should do?
—Friendly Advisor