Wedding Woes

Plan the honeymoon for ASAP and start trying in paradise?

Dear Prudence,

I am a cis female in my early 30s married to an incredible partner (cis man in his early 40s). We have been married for about a year and a half and both want children. However, I am hesitant to start trying because we haven’t had a dream, tropical honeymoon yet. We both brought some financial debt into the marriage (his debt was about twice as much as mine). Following our wedding, we opted for a local getaway at a bed-and-breakfast, with plans to one day do a big vacation in the future when we could afford it. Since getting married, we have worked hard to save and pay off our debt—and I’m proud of the progress we have made so far!

Now that becoming debt-free is on the horizon, discussions about what’s next for us have begun. I want to save up to finally go on our honeymoon—but he wants to start having kids ASAP. We both want a family, but my husband is more anxious to hurry up and get started on that because he has concerns about being an “old dad.” Meanwhile, I feel like if we don’t take our belated honeymoon before we get pregnant, we never will! I’m worried if that happens, I will end up silently resenting my partner and even worse, my future child! Of course, we could always go on vacation after becoming parents and leave our child with family (his parents or mine), but I feel as if the experience would be more enjoyable before having a kid, without having to stress about being separated from our child. I have voiced these concerns to my partner, and while he appreciates and understands my perspective, he still feels pretty strongly about prioritizing our family planning over our dream honeymoon. Am I being totally irrational, selfish, and silly about this?

—Paradise or Pregnancy?

Re: Plan the honeymoon for ASAP and start trying in paradise?

  • This is so dramatic. 

    If you're going to resent your partner for wanting to prioritize having kids over a vacation, you aren't ready to have kids with them. 
  • I need to know what LW deems as a "dream tropical vacation." Costco has plenty of great travel deals with flights included to tropical destinations for a week for $5k or less. If that will make or break their dreams of having a kid, well then maybe they aren't ready either way. And if LWs dream is a month long $5k a night overwater bungalow in Polynesia, well, that might just be unrealistic kid or no kid. 

  • “Honey, let’s go to _____.  It’s the perfect place to make that baby” is all LW has to say. 
    I’m a vacationer, so I automatically take her side.  

  • I'm with the LW.  It doesn't make sense to start trying for kids "now, now, now" when their other goal is going on a honeymoon.  She's totally right.  They are unlikely to take a honeymoon for years if they have kids first.

    Not to mention...unless they are planning to go on that month-long Polynesian vacation that @levioosa is a vastly smaller financial goal to save for a vacation.  And then start saving again for a child.

    Once the kids come, the "more" expenses won't stop.  Then there is college to save for.  There will always be more "practical" things to save for and spend money on.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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