Please help.
My fiancés mother wanted to throw me a bridal shower. My mom passed 2 years ago to cancer. I was happy she wanted to, I felt honoured. Maybe I didn’t show it; it’s all hard without my mom the wedding seems sad. Hard to enjoy fully I think always imagine my mom there. My dad and I don’t speak sadly.
I had a tough conversation with his mom while we were shopping for things for our house (we just got a house). I said some things about a fight I had with her son. I shouldn’t have and apologized after. She said no mother wants to be caught in the middle. I felt terrible and called to re-apologize.
At his sisters birthday party 2 weeks ago his aunties said they were throwing it. I mentioned his mom wanted to and she said we already talk to her. I felt awful, it felt like she didn’t want to do it anymore. I overheard his mom ask her sister if she told me. She said yeah I told her.
It makes me feel so off. I don’t want a party at all it feels so forced. It’s why I didn’t want a big wedding, never had. I’m terrible with people and always feel like I don’t fit in. Easier to disappear in the background. When she initially offered I felt like part of the family and now it’s clear she wants to have no part in it.
I told my fiancé how hurt I was. That I don’t want to have the party. It feel so weird to not have it at her house. I barely know the extended families only met them a handful of times over the years.
I feel so awful about it all. I wish she never offered if she couldn’t follow through, it feels so petty. I feel like I’m being a baby. She even said things like they’re my family now and she can be like a mother to me. It’s just sitting so terrible with me.
I wish she talked to me. It’s so obvious she wanted out and I can only imagine what she said to her sisters. I feel like I don’t belong.
I cried half the day when it happen. My finance was upset and wanted to say something I asked him not too. He promised to say nothing. I do want to message his aunt and say not to throw it, I just wanted to wait till I wasn’t as upset incase they call.
I now don’t even want a wedding. If feels like a waste of money I was only doing for his parents. So they could be proud of their son. Now I just feel empty.
I haven’t told any of my friends. I’m just so confused how to react. I told my fiancé and he said we can do whatever I want. I’m at the point where I’m feeling like screw everybody and he and I just go on a trip. This doesn’t feel like a family that I want to be a part of, I don’t know how to feel special when she doesn’t like me. He even said he doesn’t like the way she’s talks about me. Things I won’t get into, it just not kind stuff.
Any help or kind works please.
Sad Bride to be