Dear Prudence,
Recently, a man told me minutes into our first date that he’d read my work. I’m a writer and have written for several well-known magazines, but I’m not famous—I just have a really uncommon first name. Because of this, it’s really easy to find me online. After we’d matched online, my date had Googled my name plus writer, found my website, and read half a dozen pieces I’ve written—including several personal essays about things like the death of a friend, or being intermittently homeless in my 20s.
This happens all the time. Once, someone waited months to confess that they’d not only read my work before meeting me but had intentionally peppered the conversation when we first met with niche things he knew I was interested in because I’d written about them. Unlike that guy, my recent date wasn’t trying to be manipulative. He felt embarrassed and offered to tell me a lot of personal stuff about himself so it would feel like we were both over-exposed and vulnerable. It worked—I walked away feeling like it was the best date I’d had in years. At least until he ghosted me, leaving me feeling like my work and I were being rejected. I know this is going to keep happening. What am I supposed to do when it does?
—Intimate in All the Wrong Ways