Dear Prudence,
I write to you for some help with what is probably a strange dilemma: How do I enjoy clubbing with my mom? To elaborate, my mom was a single parent who gave up a lot to raise me. Now that she’s older and retired, she’s trying to indulge in some of her old hobbies, like listening to live music in clubs and bars. Going to these performances wasn’t really a problem when she was in her home country, where she had friends and other family members to keep her company, but now that she’s with me in America, she’s reluctant to go out by herself, and I end up going with her to these events to help her enjoy her retirement.
The problem is, I am the complete opposite of her and hate going out to clubs! I don’t like being outside past 7 p.m. and dislike alcohol (in contrast, she enjoys the ambience of nightclubs and loves drinking), so I kind of just awkwardly sit in the corner with my phone in hand. I also have sensory issues with crowds and loud music, so I try to make myself as small as possible. My mom, unsurprisingly, can sense this anxious energy from me, and the last time we went to a jazz bar to see one of her favorite bands, she tried to cut her stay shorter than usual in consideration of me.
She says she’s already happy that I’m “making the sacrifices” to come with her, but I don’t want her to feel bad about this! I try my best not to make it obvious how much I dislike being in this type of space, but she’s my mom. Obviously, she knows the kid she raised. As such, I’d appreciate any advice on how I can shift my mindset and allow myself to enjoy, or at least become accustomed to, this type of space. Letting her go out alone isn’t an option, considering her age and bad ankle, but I also don’t want her to feel bad about her hobbies when I accompany her. What would you recommend I do to ensure that my mom has a good time by making myself have a good time too?
—Homebody Child of an Ex–Party Mom