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Wedding Woes

Do you have friends you can talk to this about?

Dear Prudence,

I went through a bad breakup last spring with someone I really cared about. Everything had felt very loving and lovely until one day he changed into a completely different person. It felt like overnight he became distant and kind of mean after months of being extremely adoring, sweet, and thoughtful. When we ended things (I initiated, but he didn’t protest), I cried uncontrollably for weeks, even though I knew it was the right call. I couldn’t stay with someone I couldn’t trust!

It’s now officially been a year, and even though I remain sure that breaking up was the right decision, I’m somehow still not past it. I still think about him all the time, and I still frequently cry. I also have not felt attraction to another man since then, and I haven’t been able to be intimate with anyone else. Previously, I really enjoyed periods of being single, including having casual sex, but now I don’t even want to kiss anybody. I’ve stopped going on dates because they make me feel like something is wrong with me. I miss having crushes and feeling excited about new prospects. I miss feeling desirable and desirous. Why can’t I get over this? Am I broken?

—Can’t Move On

Re: Do you have friends you can talk to this about?

  • Friends and therapy.


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  • If you have friends that knew him and understand why you broke up (and maybe witnessed some of the changes), they are the ones to go to.  Sometimes, you need someone to kick you in the ass and be all, "these were the bad parts".  But if you don't have that or it doesn't help, definitely therapy. 
  • I feel therapy is important for the LW.

    She should also look at it from a different perspective.  She's missing the guy he was in the beginning of the relationship.  Except he wasn't real.  That was his "best behavior" version when a relationship is new.  The real guy is the one she broke up with.
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