Dear Prudence,
My sister has been with “Danny” for about three years. He has a 10-year-old daughter “Valeria,” who is incredibly snotty and spoiled. She will insult someone because the gift they gave her wasn’t up to her standards. Her birthday was in March and she told my mother that she was “cheap” for giving her a $10 gift card and that it should have been more. This child had three separate birthday parties! As ever, Danny did nothing to correct his daughter and later just passed the blame on how “difficult” it was to be a child of divorce and being in two different households. I told my sister I was sick of this. Our mother is disabled and on a fixed income, she doesn’t need to be insulted to her face by a spoiled brat who apparently had the words “thank you” deleted from her vocabulary. My sister asked me why I thought she had any control here. I told her she kept bringing Danny and Valeria to our family get-togethers. We tend to have pretty elaborate parties with themed games, usually at my house. I told my sister not to bring her boyfriend or his kid to Easter. My sister-in-law was driving in with her three kids and I was planning an egg hunt and custom-made Easter baskets. There wouldn’t be one for Valeria. I am not going to be insulted in my own home that my work was “stupid” or have Valeria throw a fit because she wanted one of the other kids’ candy.
Well, Danny decided to drop in with Valeria and it went about as well as expected. Valeria threw a fit and stomped on one of the baskets. My sister tried to make excuses, but my husband basically had to frog-march Danny and his daughter out. Now my sister is blaming me. I am just done trying. My family has tried to be welcoming to Danny and his daughter for years. I understand she is the result of poor parenting, but that doesn’t mean she needs to be inflicted on our family. How do I get through to my sister here?
—Bad Easter