Dear Prudence,
I’m in my sister-in-law’s wedding in three weeks. When she first selected her bridesmaids eight months ago, she sent all the websites for the dresses and said we could pick any dress that was a certain length, material, and color she selected. She said she’d like to know which we picked, but it wasn’t for approval, she just wanted to know. I immediately let her know two I was going to order to determine which I preferred, and would return the other. I ordered the recommended four months out. I definitely liked one more than the other, so I let my SIL know which dress I was keeping, took it to get altered for length, and returned the other within the refund time frame. Yesterday, my SIL texted me saying someone else had selected the same dress as me and she didn’t want any duplicates, so could I please swap and wear the other one I had ordered? I said, unfortunately, I wouldn’t be able to since I’d already returned it and gotten my dress altered.
She lost it. She started yelling about how she just wanted everyone to be in a different dress and since I’d picked out two, it shouldn’t be a problem for me to switch. I said if I still had both, I would switch, but that it wasn’t an option anymore. She told me I needed to reorder the other dress to wear. I told her I would be glad to if she was going to pay for the dress and the rush production and shipping fee that would now be required and be OK with it just being pinned since there wouldn’t be time to alter it. She told me if I couldn’t get the dress, I didn’t need to be involved in the wedding. I replied that I thought maybe that was for the best and that I’d just attend as a guest. She told me no, if I wasn’t up there as a bridesmaid, I didn’t need to be there at all. I know she’s being ridiculous, but do I need to just give in to keep the family peace? I can afford the dress and fees, so that’s not actually an issue.
—Just Give Her What She Wants