Wedding Woes

Have you told her you miss hanging out with her outside of DnD?

Dear Prudence, 

How do you accept a relationship for what it is, versus what you want it to be? I’ve known my best friend, Patricia, for about seven years. She and I are both in our 30s, share a lot of nerdy hobbies in common, and I was the maid of honor at her wedding last year. Patricia offers me emotional support when I need it, and is honestly one of the most perceptive people I know. The issue is, that it’s getting increasingly difficult to see her in person. If I invite Patricia and her husband out, it only has about a 10 percent chance of happening. She’ll make our weekly Dungeons and Dragons Game run by her husband, but any other kind of invite gets canceled at the last minute. Patricia will say she’s sick or has some college work on the day off. I would think she’s blowing me off, but from social media and mutual friends, Patricia doesn’t seem to be going to other things instead of hanging out with me. I honestly think she’s much more introverted than I am. But it’s hard to maintain a close friendship when your main interaction is pretending to be other people in a DnD game. We used to do more varied hobbies together, but since the pandemic it now seems to be DnD or bust. I miss her and am getting frustrated with our friendship.

—Make a Friendship Check

Re: Have you told her you miss hanging out with her outside of DnD?

  • Options
    Can you tell her you miss hanging out without others or the game? Try that and see what happens. She may not be interested but she may also not realize how often she’s canceling and that it’s upsetting for you. 
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    It sounds like she's just not that into you, at least not as much as you want her to be. 

    Not every friendship is destined to be BFF level, even when you really like each other. Accept her for the DnD friend with occasional other hang outs. 
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    I think this is a situation where you speak to Patricia once or twice about missing hanging out more in person/without other people, and see what happens. If Patricia promises a change but there isn't one, you may just need to accept that this is where the friendship stands now. I do wonder if Patricia is going through something herself, such as a health issue, that's causing her to be suddenly unavailable.
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