Dear Prudence,
When our mom died, I was 24 and my half-sister was 14. I moved home to try and help since my half-sister didn’t want to leave to go live with her dad out of state. I tried for nearly a year but it was a disaster. I was suffering from clinical depression and anxiety. Just getting out of bed was hard, let alone dealing with my sister’s own grief and acting out at school. She ended up getting expelled for nearly assaulting a teacher. I couldn’t deal with it. We were both drowning. My sister ended up being sent to relatives on her paternal side, while I went to live with our maternal aunt and try to restart my life.
My sister and I have only sporadic contact over the years since then. Any attempt at a relationship gets derailed with her blaming me for abandoning her and failing as a sister. No matter how many times I apologize, it never seems to be enough. She is now the same age I was when our mom died. I asked her if she thought she was capable of dealing daily with a teenager that was getting into fights and getting expelled from school? She cursed me out and hung up the phone. Is there any point to even trying again? People tell me I owe it to the memory of our mother, but I am tired at this point. And yes, we went to therapy, but my sister quit halfway through.
—Trying in Tampa