Reach out to your therapist to work this out.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

While trail running in a remote part of a national park a few years ago, I came across a man who fell off a cliff and sustained multiple serious injuries. I ended up coordinating a helicopter rescue and took care of him all day, while he was in incredible distress until he was airlifted out. He survived but does not have the life he once had. I worked with my therapist and have found healing. I resumed my outdoor activities, the sound of a helicopter doesn’t send me into a panic attack anymore, and life is great. My husband has been very supportive throughout the journey. (I am a woman in my 30s, if this helps with the picture.)

BUT, one thing that changed completely for me since the accident is my taste in TV shows and movies. My husband and I used to love watching shows like The Walking Dead, Dexter, Game of Thrones, etc. We also watched adventure movies, comic book movies, and thrillers. But now, I cannot watch anything that even has a bit of blood, gore, violence, or suffering. I even have a hard time watching animal shows if it involves animals hunting other animals. The Joker? Forget it! Something really flipped for me in which I can’t tolerate that sort of thing for entertainment anymore. I tried for a while, and it’s not like I have a panic attack or anything, but it’s definitely a hard no. To be clear, I can handle blood or emergency situations just fine in real life. For example, I helped my parents through major surgeries and could look at incision sights without issue. I had to get stitches after falling, and I handled it well.

My husband is supportive of my narrowed genres. We have a profile on Netflix of just standup comedy, dramas, documentaries, and comedies from which we choose when we watch together. But he does mention that he has to watch shows by himself to get his “fix.” He sometimes carves out time during the weekend or when I am working to watch his shows. We both joke that I am now a “baby” when it comes to couch and Netflix time. I do sense his frustration when we are trying to find something to watch together, even though he is really sweet about it. I truly don’t feel like I am missing out, but should I try to work on exposure therapy to enjoy this type of entertainment again? Am I doing my husband a disservice by ending our pastime of watching these shows and movies together? It feels silly to ask because it is just Netflix, and we only watch movies and shows a few days a week. But, to be honest, I can’t help but feel guilty.

—Netflix for Babies

charlotte989875

There are so many shows on Netflix, Hulu, max, peacock, paramount, Disney that you surely can find something that won’t keep you up at night that he also finds mildly entertaining. If he’s making you feel guilty that’s on him and he’s being an ass. If he’s getting frustrated he’s really not as nice and kind as you’re thinking he is.

Since you don’t feel like you’re missing out I think you figure out a way not to feel guilty. He can watch his shows on his own time and you two can find some common ground. 

mrsconn23

Having shows you watch without your partner is so normal.  I think if LW is feeling some sort of guilt, they need to figure out if their partner is pressuring them or it's an internal thing.  If it's an internal thing and you can't get past it, maybe it's time for a therapy 'tune-up', which is also super common. 

levioosa

If you feel really triggered or stressed by those shows (or situations in real life) then probably some more therapy is needed. It took H almost 10 years to be able to watch a show like Grey's Anatomy without having a panic attack or being super stressed the whole time. And we still have to be careful. But it sounds like you can deal with the real life situations and you just aren't interested in the drama having lived it for real, and that's understandable. Everyone has shows they watch without their partner. It's not weird. Now, what is an unforgiveable marital sin is when you DO have a couples show, and one person watches ahead. 

mrsconn23

levioosa said:

If you feel really triggered or stressed by those shows (or situations in real life) then probably some more therapy is needed. It took H almost 10 years to be able to watch a show like Grey's Anatomy without having a panic attack or being super stressed the whole time. And we still have to be careful. But it sounds like you can deal with the real life situations and you just aren't interested in the drama having lived it for real, and that's understandable. Everyone has shows they watch without their partner. It's not weird. Now, what is an unforgiveable marital sin is when you DO have a couples show, and one person watches ahead.* 

*Without asking. 

I may watch Top Chef without DH tonight unless he really has feelings about it. 

charlotte989875

levioosa said:

If you feel really triggered or stressed by those shows (or situations in real life) then probably some more therapy is needed. It took H almost 10 years to be able to watch a show like Grey's Anatomy without having a panic attack or being super stressed the whole time. And we still have to be careful. But it sounds like you can deal with the real life situations and you just aren't interested in the drama having lived it for real, and that's understandable. Everyone has shows they watch without their partner. It's not weird. Now, what is an unforgiveable marital sin is when you DO have a couples show, and one person watches ahead. 

I couldn’t watch Greys after having kids. I just couldn’t handle when patients were babies or pregnant women. Well more accurately I just didn’t feel good watching it so why do it?

levioosa

charlotte989875 said:

levioosa said:

If you feel really triggered or stressed by those shows (or situations in real life) then probably some more therapy is needed. It took H almost 10 years to be able to watch a show like Grey's Anatomy without having a panic attack or being super stressed the whole time. And we still have to be careful. But it sounds like you can deal with the real life situations and you just aren't interested in the drama having lived it for real, and that's understandable. Everyone has shows they watch without their partner. It's not weird. Now, what is an unforgiveable marital sin is when you DO have a couples show, and one person watches ahead. 

I couldn’t watch Greys after having kids. I just couldn’t handle when patients were babies or pregnant women. Well more accurately I just didn’t feel good watching it so why do it?

I have a hard time with some gritty drug shows (like Shameless or Breaking Bad). Objectively I know they're good, but having lived with addiction and to see it ravaging the family day in and day out makes it the last kind of escapism I want to see in my spare time. 

Also on Grey's sometimes I feel they do extra fucked up things to those patients for the shock value. Of course awful things happen, but every time you see one of those patients? Come on. 

mrsconn23

DefConn cannot watch anything where a dog is sick, lost, or dies without getting super upset.  He panics if he senses any danger in the show.  My sister took him to see the live-action Lion King in the theater, and had to take him out when Scar offed Mufasa because he freaked out (he'd never seen the cartoon version, so we didn't know). 

I can't watch anything where kids get hurt.  I distinctly remember a movie DH was watching (a long time ago) and something really bad happened to a kid and I lost my shit.  

short+sassy

levioosa said:

charlotte989875 said:

levioosa said:

If you feel really triggered or stressed by those shows (or situations in real life) then probably some more therapy is needed. It took H almost 10 years to be able to watch a show like Grey's Anatomy without having a panic attack or being super stressed the whole time. And we still have to be careful. But it sounds like you can deal with the real life situations and you just aren't interested in the drama having lived it for real, and that's understandable. Everyone has shows they watch without their partner. It's not weird. Now, what is an unforgiveable marital sin is when you DO have a couples show, and one person watches ahead. 

I couldn’t watch Greys after having kids. I just couldn’t handle when patients were babies or pregnant women. Well more accurately I just didn’t feel good watching it so why do it?

I have a hard time with some gritty drug shows (like Shameless or Breaking Bad). Objectively I know they're good, but having lived with addiction and to see it ravaging the family day in and day out makes it the last kind of escapism I want to see in my spare time. 

Also on Grey's sometimes I feel they do extra fucked up things to those patients for the shock value. Of course awful things happen, but every time you see one of those patients? Come on. 

Not Grey's Anatomy, but when ER was in prime time, I was working at a bank p/t, while I was in college.  One of my coworkers at the bank also worked in an ER.

I asked her how close the show was to a real ER.  She said they had the "noises" perfect.  She said it's surprisingly not as far off as you would think.  Except there were not NEARLY enough elderly patients, lol.  She said the vast majority of the patients they get in are elderly.

To be fair though, I could see that might depend on the ER.  She worked at San Clemente GH and that town is like a mecca for old, wealthy people.

Casadena

I had to stop watching Handmaid's Tale when i was postpartum the second time, i just could not handle the trauma around the entire premise. H was fine, and would have finished without me if he really wanted to watch it. I agree she should see a therapist, but if H is making this a thing at all, i think he's a huge jerk.