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WTELMF?!

Dear Prudence,

My husband of 11 years and father of our two children died by suicide six years ago. He struggled with depression and untreated OCD for years and left me in the dark as to the severity of his symptoms. My children and I have mostly healed and are living full and busy lives. My issue is my former mother-in-law. I am very close with my husband’s sister, and his father is great. Initially, I spent a lot of time with them after his death because it brought me comfort.

Last Christmas, I came across a collage at the in-laws in the bedroom my kids would sleep in for overnights. My face was blacked out in a picture of me and my husband and kids. There were also sayings posted that said things about “finding justice” and that he was “made to appear broken by the woman who broke him.” These phrases surrounded pictures of my late husband. My MIL and I have never been close, and there have been some tense exchanges after his death, but to me this just translates into “you killed my son / his death is your fault.” I told my kids to stay out of that room, but this recent Christmas my teenager was escaping family time and saw the collage. Now there is a sign that says “The Truth” with my husband’s picture on it.

I tried gently asking her about it over text, but she was evasive in her answers. I’d rather just be out with it, I don’t have the time or energy for passive aggressive swipes. What should I do? My kids are old enough now where they have seen this and it’s impacting how they act towards their grandma. I’ve tried letting it go, but it has gotten under my skin.

—I Did Not Kill My Husband

Re: WTELMF?!

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    I wonder if the husband's sister and father know about this. 

    You should not "let it go" that you are being accused of mistreating or even killing your husband. This requires a confrontation, in person.
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    This requires a confrontation.  Something is really off for me that the LW hasn't addressed this ever but still let the kids keep going to see MIL and FIL.   If I saw something like that in my IL's home my H is alive and I'd be pretty clear that no one is going to a home or to see the inhabitants of it who disparage me so blatantly.  

    Therapy is likely needed by the MIL but in the meantime I would not allow myself or children to be subjected to such slander and mental torment. 
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    mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited May 16
    This sounds fake AF.  I'm about to start googling true crime stories with these details.  

    And why the hell would you ask about this over text?!  FOR SO MANY REASONS it's the worst idea ever.  

    Anyway, cut off contact with his family because they all sound bonkers.  Get your kids therapy because they'll need it.  


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    DO NOT let this go. If true the MIL sounds unhinged and potentially dangerous. Don’t let your kids go back there and get them into therapy now. 

    But also- call you MIL and talk about this! Not text, or email, talk to her. 
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    levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I'd like to say this was fake but my narcissistic grandmother claimed my Uncle's widow killed him (with zero proof) and then sued her for her personal assets including their home because "it was hers anyways." So, you know, I pretty much believe people are capable of anything. 

    If this is true, absolutely cut them out. This is beyond hurtful. It's creepy and weird. And...like this hasn't been addressed at all with former FIL and SIL? SIL and I are a little on the outs right now, but we have historically been close and I promise 1000% if I found something like this in the room one of the first things I would have done is texted it to her like "WTF did you see this?!" 


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