You're not crazy, he's trying to 'nice guy' you.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

My husband just told me he wants a deeper relationship with one of his friends but they both don’t want to cross any boundaries I’d not approve of. She happens to be single and 20 years younger. He said he’s energized by her enthusiasm for life, admires her greatly, and that they have many common interests. He wants to be able to take her places and go to events with her that I’m not interested in attending. I find this, not only very hurtful but absurd and inappropriate. This is an emotional affair in my eyes. Am I crazy?

—Am I Crazy to Be Hurt?

banana468

This seems like asking for permission to drift apart and then put the blame on her.

charlotte989875

You’re not crazy. He’s feeling his mortality and is making himself feel better by having an affair with a 30 year old. You don’t have to stand by and watch it happen. Decide what you’re going to do if he continues down this path. Leave? Move out? You can’t control what he decides to do, only how you respond to it. 

levioosa

So he puts it on you, is gaslighting you into thinking there's something wrong with you if you say no, and then tells you he wants to essentially date her in public and "take her places?" Go get a lawyer and STD test. 

mrsconn23

I agree he's asking for permission to 'step out', but also...I find it telling that LW doesn't want to go places and attend events with him that don't interest LW.  It reads like they haven't been aligned for awhile and that type of stuff is what wears down a marriage. 

DH and I will separate things from time to time, but a good portion of our 'going out' life is together. 

short+sassy

It's perfectly valid for the LW to tell her H that she is not okay with him having an emotional affair.  But rather than a DTMFA approach, I'd suggest they try couples counseling.

I suspect their marriage has become "same old, same old".  Which certainly isn't an excuse for him to form "special friendships" with younger women.  But if they both want the marriage to survive, they both need to get out of their ruts and work to fix what has broken.

And dude better wise up before his paramour decides she prefers someone with "enthusiasm for life", instead of his tired and baggage-laden ass.