Boundaries, you're doing it wrong.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

How do I let my sister-in-law know she’s overstepping boundaries with our son and grandchildren? We’re trying to fix a difficult relationship with our son and his family and my sister-in-law has stepped in and has taken over the role of parent and grandparent. She constantly invites our son and family out with them and excludes us. She gives our grandchildren multiple gifts and does the same with our daughter-in-law and son. My sister-in-law talks to our daughter-in-law about the difficulties we’re having with them instead of suggesting that they should talk to us.

Our daughter-in-law has mental and emotional issues that aren’t being addressed because our sister-in-law reinforces everything she says and does. We don’t want to compete with her but there is no way for us to try and repair our relationship while she is always there and stepping into the relationship. How do we let her know that we feel her behavior is sabotaging our efforts? We love our son and grandchildren dearly.

—Can’t Take the Lack of Respect Over Boundaries

banana468

There's something about the LW that isn't passing my smell test. 

charlotte989875

Where’s the meme about “that word doesn’t mean what you think it means”. Insert here. 

But yah something else is going on here. Your sister in law can have a relationship with her nephew and his family. She doesn’t need your permission. And this isn’t cross a boundary (but also a boundary is you stating you will do something not preventing other people from doing things…)

But really I want to know what caused the riff with the son and DIL. 

levioosa

Hmm. 

mrsconn23

I think your son would have a very different story to tell, LW.  Something about his parents trying to intervene in a positive family relationship when things are strained between him and his parents.  And also that his mom doesn't take his wife's mental health issues seriously or, like, mocks them. 

Furthermore, LW is all, "We love our son and grandchild dearly".  Ahem, there's your sign. 

Anyway, if you want to ignore all logic and reason to plow ahead with your very wrongheaded ideas of how to bring him back into the fold, I believe a blind man on a galloping horse can tell you how this will go.