Dear Prudence,
I think it’s great that we’re inching toward a society that is more accepting and accommodating of different personalities and abilities. But there is one person in my wider professional circle—I see them mainly on social media—who is just awful.
They will respond to a post with an unkind remark, and if someone says, “Hey, that wasn’t nice,” they respond, “I am neurodivergent; I don’t speak ‘nice,’” or “This is who I am and how my brain works.” And so they get away with hurting other people’s feelings by claiming they are unable to observe basic courtesy. They have enough backup for this position and enough status professionally that there’s no incentive to change. So how does one respond when people use “neurodivergence” as an excuse for rudeness?
Apart from refusing to engage with people who do this (I’ve encountered several), which is no doubt “ableist” of me, is there anything more I can do? I hate finding myself at an event where any person, regardless of their neuro-status, feels free to tell me I got fat, look tired, or am going about my career all wrong. I hate having my LinkedIn posts hijacked by an acquaintance who says things like, “Only an idiot would believe that article,” and contradicting or needling the others who are trying to engage. I would love to say, “You are rude and I don’t want to talk to you,” but I know I’d be accused of discrimination.
—Courtesy Is Essential to Society