Dear Prudence,
What is the etiquette for wedding showers when you are having a small destination wedding? My fiancée (28F) and I (37M) are planning a wedding next year, and it is going to be a small destination wedding with a small guest list. Neither of us ever wanted a big wedding (think immediate family and a few close friends, about 20-25 guest list total). My mother is asking me what to do about wedding showers. Apparently, the tradition is that everyone who was invited to the wedding is invited to the shower. I had no idea that was the convention, but it makes sense. I have a much larger extended family than my fiancée does and she is estranged from part of her family on top of that.
I am not sure what to tell her. What is the convention these days for something like that? Since we are having a small wedding, I am most concerned about not offending anyone or to have something seem like an attempt to get gifts. I discussed it with my fiancée and she does not expect my mother or our family to do anything. She will have a shower and obviously my mom would be invited, but she is not expecting anything with our larger family. This seems fine to me. Is that the norm in this situation?
—Unfamiliar with Shower Dynamics