I'd plan it as a trip with friends and not rely on him to make it.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

My partner and I have been together for five years. Without fail on any major event (my birthday, his birthday, Valentine’s, planned couples trip etc.), his 17-year-old daughter gets “sick” and needs daddy to wait on her every whim. Miraculously, she gets better the next day when she wants to go out with friends. We have gotten around this by celebrating on other days and when she is with her mother (which isn’t often). I was tolerant when she was a child, but it has gotten ridiculous. We had concert tickets for his birthday and right on cue, she started to have a headache. Rather than stay in a dark room with some aspirin, she wanted her dad to stay home so he could rub her head and read to her. My partner went along with it! I ended up going to the concert alone and wasting the other ticket.

I have a milestone birthday coming up, and frankly I don’t trust my partner when he says that he will commit to our plans fully. I usually live and let live when it comes to how he deals with his daughter, but I don’t want to waste the time, energy, or money here. We don’t live together and I respect that his daughter’s needs come first, but this is ridiculous. My partner even admits that his daughter is doing this, but he still goes along with it. Should I even bother to try?

—Milestone

banana468

I'd be clear: "If your daughter's emergencies disrupt what you know to be important to me then that tells me where this is going." 

I wouldn't issue an ultimatum but it would be one.  

mrsconn23

I think that at 17, this is ridic.  Especially having to go to a concert alone and dump the cost of a second ticket.  I think LW has been more than patient and I don't think this will magically change once she's 18.  

He's shown you his priorities.  Take a vacation from him to figure out yours. 

MyNameIsNot

OMG, he knows what she's doing and he still goes along with it. 

4 Men, LW.

levioosa

Oh hell no. He knows she's playing games and he still lets it happen? F that noise. LW, there are more than 4 men. Go find one who wants to celebrate a banging 40 year bday with you. 

short+sassy

At first, I thought this was a repeat of the ski accident letter, lol.

If the LW isn't ready to leave over this, then they need to stop making important plans with their partner.  She already knows the daughter will ruin it.  He's already said he will pretend to believe his daughter's drama llama antics, even when he knows she is lying and old enough to take care of herself.

That's the foreseeable future.

If they get married, I'm already picturing their wedding day being interrupted by a call from the ER that the step daughter is there with "mysterious symptoms" though her lab work looks fine.