Leave Jordan alone, LW.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I have long harbored what I thought was a harmless crush on a friend of mine (Jordan), but now another friend (Alex) has told Jordan and Jordan is threatening me with a restraining order. I am livid that I told Alex about my crush and that Alex betrayed my confidence. I admit that some of the things I’ve done were probably not great decisions, but those actions weren’t harming Jordan in the least, so long as Jordan didn’t know about them. Now I am torn because I’m afraid Jordan is going to call the police.

If they call the police, I probably need to throw away any evidence ahead of time. But that is almost impossible for me to come to terms with. This situation is rapidly spiraling out of control, and I don’t feel like there is anybody non-judgmental I can go to for help. How can I make amends with Jordan in a way that honestly atones for what I’ve done while also leaving open the possibility of our getting together romantically?

—Hopelessly Devoted

charlotte989875

What did you do???

But please tell me Prudie was clear that there is zero chance you’re ever getting romantically involved with Jordan. Never. No. It’s not going to happen. 

mrsconn23

Dear Hopelessly Devoted,

Don’t call Jordan. In fact, never call Jordan again. Don’t do anything (what did you do??)—except maybe seek out a lawyer’s opinion since I can’t give you legal advice. You say you don’t have anyone non-judgmental you can go to, and that may be because the situation legitimately inspires judgment. Instead, think of someone who you know cares about your well-being and wants the best for you. Tell them what you’ve done and ask for support in putting a stop to all of it. I can’t emphasize enough that the possibility of dating is now off the table completely, and you need to force yourself to accept that reality. If you’re having trouble letting go, seeking guidance and help from a mental health professional would be your next step (there are several directories where you can begin your search). The sooner you’re able to let Jordan go, the sooner you’ll stop making “not great decisions.” Then you’ll be able to pursue crushes in a way that doesn’t inspire people to call 9-1-1.

mrsconn23

LW, you can justify what you apparently did to put Jordan so far off you that he wants to get a restraining order against you as not 'harming' him, but it clearly isn't/wasn't to him.  Also, you admit to having 'evidence' that you'd have to rid yourself of if you were to have charges pressed.

Alex and Jordan are not your friends and you need to abandon any thought that you are.  Jordan will never pursue your or reciprocate feelings.  

I kind of hope this is fake, but there's also Baby Reindeer (haven't watched, but know the premise and what's been happening IRL with that lady).  Ugh.  

levioosa

I am getting the sense that the "evidence" has something to do with either tampering with his home monitoring or watching him via something LW has set up. They need deep deep therapy because their justification and defense of all of this is unhinged. 

short+sassy

Whoa!  Nothing about this sounds "harmless".

Jordan is afraid of the LW.  I suspect Alex "betrayed" them because of how concerning their behavior has been.  He was also worried about Jordan.

The best way to keep Jordan from calling the police is to never contact him and stay away.

And get rid of whatever "evidence" they are worried about.  I bet it's creepy and not something they should have.  It will also probably hinder them from getting over Jordan, which is something they need to start trying to do.

They should also see a therapist.  They sound obsessed and like they don't understand proper boundaries.  They're basically admitting they committed a crime or at least came close enough they are worried, yet are still downplaying it and making excuses.

downtondiva

What were these "not great decisions" you refer to? I find it very hard to believe that Jordan wanted a restraining order against you simply because you have a crush on them. You clearly made them feel uncomfortable and unsafe.

You need to get serious psychological help, especially if you still think you can overcome this and win Jordan over to wanting a romantic relationship with you.

flantastic

what is the "evidence"