This is way harsh, Tai.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

My wife and I have a 21-year-old daughter, 16-year-old daughter, and soon to be 10-year-old triplets (two girls and a boy). We have a four-bedroom house. Our oldest daughter graduates this summer. She is dragging her heels about where she is going to live afterwards. Her lease at the university ends in July. The triplets have always shared a room, but they are growing up. It is time for my son to have his own room, which means that my daughter needs to empty out her old room or deal with sharing with her sister. It is just a matter of logistics. I am ready to just lay down the law and tell my daughter that everything of hers will be tossed into boxes in the basement whether she is here or not. My wife says that is too harsh, but we have been having the same conversation since spring. Can I get some back up here?

—Room to Go

charlotte989875

It’s too harsh. She’s presumably looking for a full time job and a place to live (which can be difficult if it’s not campus housing and you don’t have an actual paycheck yet). Help her come up with a plan. If her lease runs out and she doesn’t have something else lined up what will she do? Instead of simply boxing up her things and throwing them in the basement help her figure it out. 

mrsconn23

She's 21, FFS, and finishing up school.  Also, where do you live?  In this economy, the options are very limited right out of school unless you have a job making closer to 6 figures than not.  It's not an emergency to get the 10 year olds their own rooms.  

If oldest daughter has to stay, for whatever reason, longer than a few months post-grad, then you can start talking about rearrangements/options.  The 16 and 21 year old could share a room vs. just kicking her to the curb.  There are so many ways to work through this that doesn't involve alienating a young adult.

And I just have to say, the choice to get pregnant a 3rd time is not your daughter's fault.  I'm *sure* the triplets were a surprise.  Yes, it sucks that things are tight space-wise, but what you think you want to do can cause a lot more long-term pain and resentment. 

short+sassy

As an aside, I can't imagine the shock it must be when parents are told they are having triplets (or more!).

The dad is being way too harsh with his oldest daughter.  The triplets aren't teenagers or even pre-teens.  They can wait 1-2 years before the brother gets his own room.

Though I'm curious what they use the basement for.  If it's finished, could they section some or all of it off to be her living space.  If it isn't finished but could be, maybe they should look into that.  Because this space issue isn't going away.  The middle daughter may not go to or go away for college.  The triplets are 8 years away from graduating high school.

Fast forward 10-20 years and there might be a couple baseball teams of grandkids coming over to grandma's and grandpa's for Christmas.

Casadena

I'm biased for sure because i had no desire whatsoever to move home after graduation and frankly don't understand that for most people. I don't remember many friends at all doing that (granted this ~15 years ago) but on the tail end of recession and the job market was tough then. Most of us stayed in our college town working and applying for "real" jobs until we found one and moved. Just to give context.

So anyway, i think it's nuts that 21 yr old away at college most of the year has her own room at home anyway at this point. I would have moved kids around as soon she left high school. But certainly as a college graduate? No. She can bunk with sister, or sleep on the couch when she's home. That said, if it's been this way for 4 years, a few more months wont hurt anything. 

short+sassy

@Casadena, I moved back home for a year after I graduated from college.  I just didn't quite know what to do with myself, other than half a plan to move out of state.

Because I didn't want to wait until I was 30 to be able to afford to live without roommates in VHCOL Southern CA, lmao.

But then I finally pulled the trigger and moved to NOLA.  So GREAT living by myself for the first time!  Ah, the memories.